


Broken Crown

by Cranma01



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Attempt at Humor, Camelot, Confusion, Epic Bromance, Epic Friendship, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt Merlin, Light Angst, Magic, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 13:38:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 34,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15074312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cranma01/pseuds/Cranma01
Summary: Merlin has not returned. Arthur is impatient and rides out to search for his servant, despite what dangers await him. What will happen? Where will he go? who or what will he meet?Will he ever be able to look Merlin in the eyes again?This is Broken Crown - a Merlin fanfiction.





	1. South

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before you read!  
> Hello and welcome! Hope you will enjoy :)
> 
> The picture/drawing you see below is the cover for this fanfiction. That's the cover I'm using on Wattpad anyway.  
> It's an illustration of this story I did a while ago, and I am adding this because I fear it might be a little confusing since I probably should have explained everything a bit better :o.
> 
> Yes, you are somewhat supposed to know what happens. It's the kind of situation where you, as the reader, know what is going on, but the characters have to figure it out themselves. Feel free to ask ANY question you want, I don't bite ;) Anyways... This is the cover!:

**(THIS IS THE COVER FOR THE STORY! Sorry it's so big, I can't make it smaller :/)**

**________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

The bells sounded throughout the kingdom. It was peaceful. The citizens of Camelot had begun working, doing their thing to survive and live a good life. It pleased Arthur to see. This was one of the things he enjoyed most of all - looking out the window, seeing his people happy. Ever since he became king, he had worked hard to make sure his people were happy and satisfied and made sure no harm came to them. With that being out of the way, his regular morning routine could not be completed without the disturbance of Merlin running around and talking nonsense as usual.

Arthur let out a sigh and found himself wanting to go back to sleep. It was too early for his liking. And yet, here he was, making ready for one of the most boring chores he had as a king: the council meeting. Sure, there was a lot of important information to go over. But what could go wrong on a day like this? The king found it hard to believe that anything bad could come out of a meeting.

"you know, the downside of being king is all of these responsibilities," Arthur took a few steps towards his servant, and soon found himself wearing his cloak with the Camelot sigil sewed onto it. "yea? what about the king's servant? Maybe you should have thought of this before you decided to be born a royal" Merlin responded with a slight smile, fiddling with Arthurs collar, adjusting it to look better.

"Merlin... I didn't  _choose_ how I was born" Arthur frowned at his servant's choice of words but was not surprised. Merlin always said things like these whenever he tried to hide the fact that he was unsatisfied with something. And yet he never shared his thoughts. He was a riddle, Arthur thought.

"Hm.  _Right_. will you be needing me to attend the council meeting with you, sire?" Merlin asked. Clearly, he was changing the topic, but then again, Arthur was not surprised. If anything, he would be surprised if his servant did not say a word. It had happened a few other times, and nothing good ever came out of it. Arthur didn't like to admit it – thinking about it, he never had – but his toad of a servant was often right, and Arthur couldn't help but consider his choice of words wisdom. To a certain extent, of course.

"uh, no. I think I can handle that myself, Merlin. Although that gives  _you_ some time to make up for your lack of knowledge, by cleaning my chambers" Arthur smiled jokingly, and gave his servant a friendly pat on the shoulder, before leaving. Or, trying to leave, "um, I'm afraid I don't have time for that, sire" Merlin stood awkwardly and awaited an answer, knowing Arthur would not be happy with whatever his 'excuse' was.

He often avoided doing his job – not really on purpose, but because of the... Well,  _the reason_ he showed up in Camelot at all, all those years ago. There were too many dangers lurking in the shadows, which often caused Merlin to not return for days. Arthur, of course, found it very annoying, and often just assumed Merlin was extremely lazy. What he didn't know, was that Merlin basically was the reason Arthur was able to shout at him in the first place. Arthur didn't know about Merlin's magic. And hopefully, he never would. It pained Merlin more than anything, because, underneath all the shouting and teasing, Arthur was his friend and the other way around too. That's what kept him going. But if Arthur ever found out who he really was, Merlin wouldn't know what to do with himself. He would either be banished, spend the rest of his days in the stocks, or Arthur might even have him executed. Obviously overthinking, Merlin thought. But he didn't want to put Arthur in a position where he had to decide between those possibilities.

So, he kept his little secret to himself.

"and why is  _that_?" Arthur asked. He almost sounded offended.

"I have uh, some errands to run for Gaius, it involves herbs, you know, he's run out of mugwort and saffron" Merlin's fast way of speaking came to life once again, which only made his excuse harder to believe. Sometimes Arthur really didn't know what Merlin was doing, even though he said he was going to gather herbs.

"surely that can wait?" Arthur asked, and made sure Merlin knew just how bewildered he was.

"sure. Yea, sure," Merlin nodded to himself, "I mean, then you can just go find some saffron if, I don't know, someone was to fall ill, let's say, Gwen?" Merlin said. Arthur was sure Merlin had been on the cider, there was no other explanation for his sudden speech about herbs.

"That was very specific, why would she fall ill?-" Arthur frowned at Merlin's words, but had no chance to finish his sentence properly, before Merlin once again opened his mouth, "see, you  _should_ let me find those herbs!" Merlin was eager to leave, it seemed. Why? Arthur had no idea. The king was starting to get impatient, "Merlin, is there somewhere you have to  _be_?" he asked, his voice firmer by every word. Merlin recognized his tone and knew he had to calm down. Not that there was a specific reason not to be calm, Merlin knew he was one of the only people in Camelot able to stand up to the king, both as a servant and as a friend. Merlin's words were gold to Arthur, and it had been that way for years, "yes! The  _woods_!" he answered, and Arthur rolled his eyes.

"you seem a bit too eager to search for plants, Merlin" Arthur responded in his typical 'Merlin-is-up-to-something' tone and hesitated before looking back at his manservant. Merlin didn't seem like he wanted to be asked a million questions, so that was exactly what Arthur was intending to do if he had the chance.

Merlin clicked his tongue, and continued, "sorry. I just rarely get time off, that's all" he said, turned his back to Arthur, and began collecting the leftovers of the king's breakfast, to return to the palace kitchens. Arthur hesitated for a while. He took a deep breath before letting out a sigh, "if this is you complaining," he started but was trailed off almost immediately. He knew Merlin by now, knew of all the somehow convincing excuses he had in mind, knew how he honestly deserved a day off but was also very familiar with the fact that his pride wouldn't allow it.

"I'm not! I'm just saying a walk in the woods would do me wonders" Merlin's almost humming voice sounded in a response, and Arthur once again shook his head to himself, wondering what kinds of new useless information he would gather, to tell Arthur all about once he returned.

Even with that fact in consideration, Arthur wanted to give him some time off anyway. It was a while ago he had let Merlin off easy. After a subtle sigh or two, he finally answered, and to Merlin's surprise, it was rather pleasing, "make it quick then. You better be back at noon," Arthur didn't want to look him in the eyes after that. Merlin had basically won – defeated Arthur in the battle of Merlin's freedom, that was merely a normal conversation between them.

As the king turned to leave, he spoke the last few words that his sentence held, "sometimes I doubt you're even gathering herbs" Arthur added, not meant for Merlin to pay much attention to.

A little smile formed in the corner of Merlin's mouth as he whispered to himself, "well you'd be surprised".

-

"have you got all you need?" Gaius handed Merlin the basket he was supposed to put the herbs in and awaited an answer. He looked at the boy with father-like eyes, and Merlin responded with a smile, "yes I think so"

-

The sunbeams danced on the branches, the calm summer wind playing with Merlin's dark raven hair. It was nice. Merlin had a hard time believing Arthur gave him this amount of time off. Noon was hours away, and for the first time in a while, Merlin felt he had all the time in the world.

He hummed to himself, admired the purple flower that stood tall and proud at the bottom of his feet. He squatted down, and carefully ran his fingers over its soft petals before gently picking it up and putting it to sleep in his basket. There. Only many more saffron flowers to pick. Sometimes, when he was out gathering herbs, he looked at the plants and felt at home. It was due to nature, he assumed. His magic boiled in his body, he noticed every leaf, every insect, and every little sound they made, made him feel at ease. Every drop of water hanging from the leaves showed a clear reflection of himself, not to mention the mild summer breeze caressing his skin. He loved it.

The wind in the trees sounded, and Merlin stood up slowly. This was the feeling he was so familiar with. This was the feeling he wanted to share with those he loved, this was the feeling no one else felt. This was the feeling that confirmed his loneliness. He sighed and continued searching for the small purple flowers that supposedly grew in this area.

-

An hour or so had passed. Merlin had probably gathered enough saffron for Gaius' liking. No more purple flowers were to be taken away from their homes, and the search for Mugwort now began.

Mugwort was not a herb that was used a lot, due to its abilities. Sure, it could treat a woman's ailments, but it sure had its fair share of colorful dreams. It was used back in Ealdor, the village Merlin grew up in. He had only been taken on a few short trips to search for this type of plant since the women in his village often fell ill, but it was a long time ago. Way before his time in Camelot, although he still managed to remember their location.

He needed to go south.

They grew near the border of the forest of Ascetir, and the forest of Brechfa which was miles away from Ealdor. Ealdor was in located Lot's kingdom, Ascetir, formerly ruled but Cenred.

Merlin wanted to visit Ealdor from time to time, but never found the time to do so. With that in mind, he began moving.

-

The knights were still discussing villages, food supplies, and whatnot, which bored Arthur more than it should, but he managed to hide it well. Nothing exciting happened, but it was not to be expected. At least not until the wide doors at the end of the throne room opened, and a guard stepped in. Leon walked towards him with a semi-worried look on his face and was shortly after given a letter. He read it carefully.

His eyes widened, "sire" he spoke in a firm tone, and not only Arthur, but all the knights turned their heads in confusion.

"Leon. What news do you bring?" Arthur asked. The knight stepped closer, handed Arthur the letter, but was impatient enough to spoil the content in which the letters formed, "the outlying villages have been attacked, even villages locate in Ascetir are begging for Camelot's help. It seems the Saxons has invaded most of the south"

 

_____________________________________________________________________________

**Greetings, traveler! :) This is the Author speaking.. Now, first of all , I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. There's a lot of things that I can do better, so please let me know what you liked and disliked! It will be much appreciated :)**

 

**Second of all: here's a map of Camelot. Now, you're able to follow Merlin around on his search for Mugwort ;)**

 


	2. Saxons

“We’ll ride out immediately” Arthur signaled for the knights to make ready, and was shortly after joined by Leon, the source of the information,

“What about the villages in Ascetir?” Leon asked. Clearly, he was worried. The kingdom of Ascetir was no longer their allies, anyone who dared to cross the borders unarmed was insane. Ever since king Lot – a merciless bastard, described by many – took over the throne, no one dared to do anything wrong. The rumors said, that because of his disliking towards strangers, he was known to cut off the heads of his enemies and hang them on his walls.

Arthur knew of these rumors. King Arthur and King Lot were like day and night, too many differences to count.

“We’ll check on our outlying villages first. Only then will we decide whether the border to Ascetir is worth crossing. I can’t risk too many good men” Arthur responded, and with a sigh. He fought the desire to help villages outside his own kingdom. He had done that before when Uther sat on the throne, and going against his father's will, was something he was very familiar with, especially when it came to the ones he cared about. In that case, it was Merlin. At first, he had exchanged a goodbye with his servant but later found himself not wanting to see him leave.

Even though Arthur had helped Merlin’s village, Ealdor, fight off Kanen and his men behind his father’s back, Uther had, despite that, confronted his son with pride and satisfaction.

He sometimes worried what his father's reaction would be if he could see him now. Merlin had somehow convinced him that he was supposed to be the greatest king Camelot had ever known, and not to mention Guinevere. She had many times told him, that he was a better man than his father.

Arthur was a man of honor. A fair and just king, with his entire life ahead of him. Uther? He executed every living being with magic flowing in their veins, something Arthur was not able to prevent, despite his many tries.

All of this reminded him of his servant. Where was he again? Right. Gathering herbs.

“Ready the men, Leon. We’ll ride out soon” Arthur said.

Leon nodded in response and walked off with fast steps, the knights following him rapidly.

Gaius watched them hurry around from a short distance, and he looked worried while doing so. Arthur noticed this, “Gaius?” he asked. Gaius turned his head to meet the King, greeted him with a small smile. He knew Arthur had picked up on his worries, but he did not want to alarm him. He was used to this since Uther had always listened to him with one ear only.

“You look troubled... Are you worried?” Arthur was more focused on adjusting his gauntlet to look for Gaius’ reaction,

“Aren’t you, my lord? If the villages in Ascetir has been attacked, and if King Lot is as careless as Cenred, then I fear for them” Gaius said. Arthur looked up worriedly and their eyes met shortly before he opened his mouth to speak,

“I am, Gaius. I don’t understand how Lot, and not to mention Cenred, could be so... Careless. It’s a shame. Camelot would be nothing without its people, surely Lot can relate to that? Well… If he can’t, then…“ Arthur was trailed off, “if king Lot does not care about his outlying villages, then surely he has sent no men out to guard it. Perhaps this is an opportunity to help those villages, sire” Gaius said. He left a confused expression on Arthurs' face, it was obvious, that Arthur had many questions regarding Gaius’ latest statement,

“right… of course” the King hesitated, “you sound very keen on helping them yourself, why?” Arthur asked. He knew he sounded like he doubted Gaius, but that was not his intention. Gaius had been a loyal friend and a trusted physician throughout his entire life in Camelot and was one of the few people Uther had trusted with his life.

Gaius sighed, “I don’t only fear for the villages sire if Merlin ever learned that Ealdor had been attacked, I don’t only think I know what he would do, I also am afraid he is going to _do_ it. He puts his mother’s life above anyone else's, my lord, he could potentially put his own life in danger” Gaius had many things in mind. To Arthur, he sounded like a concerned father figure, trying to look out for the son he never had, but most of all, Arthur found it extremely unlikely that _Merlin_ would be able to fight off Saxons by himself. So he found himself hoping Merlin would not know of this before he had returned to the castle safely.

There was more to it than that, though, from Gaius’ point of view. Gaius was the only person who knew about Merlin’s gift, knew that he would do anything to protect his mother despite the consequences - that was Arthur finding out -, so if he ever learned that his mother had been hurt, it didn't look good.

“right. Ealdor… we don’t know if Ealdor is unfortunate enough to have been a victim of these attacks, luckily. That’s why we’re riding out” Arthur assured him by placing a calm hand on Gaius’ shoulder, followed by a confident smile, “speaking of Merlin, has he returned yet?” Arthur added and quickly received a no in response.

The king nodded and thought to himself,

“there’s no time to wait for him. We’re riding out- if he returns while we’re gone, _do not_ let him leave the castle. If what Leon says is true, then it’s too dangerous” Arthur looked the old man in the eyes, making sure he understood the message. Gaius nodded in response, “yes my lord”.

After a brief nod in return, Arthur was off, leaving a worried Gaius behind.

-

As predicted, the first village they went to had surely enough been attacked.

The one thing Arthur and his men noticed, was that no one had lost their lives. It was lucky, he thought. By the looks of it, it looked like these Saxons had been searching for something, and only the gods knew whether they found what they were searching for, or not.

The king dismounted his horse and approached the terrified villagers. They were all gathered in a group, happy to see a friendly face.

“Are you unharmed?” he asked. Arthur received a few nods in response, and even though it looked like no one was badly wounded, he only felt it was right to ask so, anyways. This was his people, after all.

“Do you know who attacked you? Was It the Saxons?” Arthur asked, and awaited an answer.

The people of the village found it hard to identify the men, but the one thing that Arthur kept thinking about, the entire time they were out checking on these villages, was not the way these Saxons were described look-wise. No, it was that these Saxons were somehow, and somehow not, associated with Morgana. One of the men in the village had explained this,

_“Their sigil, my lord, it was not the two-headed snake, it was… A fox”_

As far as the king knew, the fox was an animal associated with going unnoticed. Whatever these Saxons were doing, it was not because of Morgana. The high priestess was indeed no good, but to randomly attack villages, and going as ‘unnoticed’ as this group of Saxons, was not of her doing. These Saxons were not following her orders anymore, whether that was new to them, or not, it had to stop.

-

Merlin’s search for mugwort had ended. He had reached his destination, a day later than he expected. He knew he was going to get in trouble when returning to the castle, given the fact that he was supposed to be back at noon, the day before. At that, he sighed stressfully.

Keeping that in mind, he bent down slowly, and the green, taller plant sounded with a slight click as the dark-haired young warlock broke the connection between roots and soil.

He was tired. He had been walking too much for his liking and was ready to turn back to the heart of Camelot soon.

If only that was possible.

Before he could see their face, a sudden hand harshly kept him from letting out any sort of noise.

Merlin was not pleasantly surprised. With wide eyes, he tried to fight off the tight arms that held him back. These arms belonged a hooded figure, that’s as much as he could make out of this person.

Merlin was not sure he would get away without a fight. Just as soon as the person started whispering unreal words in his ear, he knew what was happening.

“ _Bebeide Þe arisan ceolwære Equus_ ”

And just like that, Merlin felt the tightness around his body disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again lovelies <3  
> Rly happy you made it down here, again ^^
> 
> (sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, English is not my first language, I hope it doesn't show too much)  
> I want you to know that I'm trying my best not to mess this up, and if it's a little boring, then I totally understand. It WILL get better, don't worry hehe. I've done so much to prepare for this story, I know exactly what I'm going for <3
> 
> With that being out of the way, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see y'all again soon :)


	3. Gone

It was getting late. The sun was setting, although it was a rather beautiful sight. Gaius found himself lost in the orange and dark blue colors, but he was quick to draw himself back to reality.

He stared at his table. Dinner was nearly ready, all that was left to do was wait for Merlin to return.

Gaius worried. He knew Merlin would be very keen on riding out to meet Arthur and the knights due to his duty, but Arthur didn’t want him to endanger himself.

It was hard for the boy to leave Arthur alone.

Gaius knew his destiny had been hard on him for the past few years, but he often noticed how Merlin genuinely enjoyed the king's company, despite his many chores. Who could blame him, Gaius thought.

He was meant to be by Arthur's side.

Merlin’s relationship with Arthur was difficult to analyze. At times, Arthur made it look like Merlin’s life was a living hell, whereas the rest of the time, he praised the boy. Subtly, that is.

The many times Arthur had been on the brink of death, Merlin had been absolutely devastated, knowing he could save him but did not possess the power at the time. He had already shed many tears over Arthur’s dying body, but the amount of truly happy tears shed when Arthur had survived, could not be counted.

And Arthur? He didn’t show his emotions much, regarding Merlin.

Gaius had noticed, though, how in situations where Merlin’s life was at stake, Arthur did not hesitate one bit before trying to save his servant’s life.

“I cannot watch him die!”

Gaius remembered overhearing this. Arthur was determined to save Merlin’s life, despite his father’s opinion.

Arthur had done it anyway though, and if that did not indicate how truly fond of the boy he was, then Gaius was not sure what else was.

They would do anything for each other. If not Arthur was so affected, by Uther’s disapproval of their friendship, there would be no hesitation at all.

Gaius let out a sigh. Merlin should be home by now. He remembered how Merlin had told him how much time off Arthur gave him, and that it was rare. He was rather pleased.

Now, it had been a day. Gaius had learned not to worry. He knew Merlin was stressed out, not only because of his duties to the king as a servant but also as a friend and a protector.

Gaius felt for him. It was a lot to place upon such a young man’s shoulders, sometimes it was too much for him to carry. The old man found himself wanting to take some of the weight off him, but he knew he couldn’t.

Gaius left his chambers, and slowly but surely let his legs carry him to the queen’s chambers. He knocked.

The door was opened by the queen herself, Guinevere Pendragon, a former maidservant.

“Gaius” Gwen let the door open wide up, stepping aside to let the physician in.

“I’m sorry to disturb you my lady” Gaius met her offer, and stepped in.

“Is something the matter?” Guinevere asked. Her voice had always been so calm. Her eyes always so kind, and her heart always so open.

“I came to ask you if you have received word from Arthur?” Gaius asked. Guinevere met him with a confused look, one that asked many questions.

“no, I haven’t, why do you ask?” Gwen’s voice started to sound with worry. No wonder, really, when a trusted friend suddenly makes an appearance and asks you about your husband like that, she could only worry.

“I’m sorry if I bring you unnecessary concern, but it has to do with what Leon said earlier” Gaius did not look Gwen in her eyes while talking. He had not been sure if he wanted to bring this matter up to the queen, but his concerns were real, and he did not want to take any chances.

“About the Saxons? Gaius, what’s going on?” Guinevere feared that Gaius’ words held more information beneath, that could potentially have her fear for her husband's life.

“They bear the fox as a sigil. I thought they were only rumors, but I fear they may not be. The fox’s symbolism is not used by many, although it has several different meanings. In this case, used by the Saxons, it means that they stand on their own. I may not be right my lady, but these Saxons have one way, or another served Morgana in past years but has now created their own association, out of Morgana’s range. Their independent way of living contains raiding villages for food supplies and gaining power and what not” Gaius said. This was surprising information to Guinevere. She was not sure how Gaius had received this information, which was a concern she did not want to deal with. She didn’t know whether it would be smart to confront him about such matters as his sources of information. She trusted him enough to let it go for now,

“what has that got to do with Arthur? Is he in danger?” Gwen was eager to know more.

“not necessarily, my lady, but if Morgana once had this group of Saxons under her control, surely she would be able to do so again. If Arthur gets in trouble with these Saxons, Morgana might know of it. What I am trying to say, is that Morgana always has needed very little information about Arthur or Camelot, to do anything of her liking, that might put Camelot in danger. I hope I am wrong in these accusations, though” Gaius said. After hearing all of this, gaining all this information about the Saxons and their possible whereabouts had both put her mind to ease, but also increased her heart rate,

“I see,” she said.

-

It was about time Arthur returned to the castle, Guinevere thought, as she approached him. The many horses breathed heavily from exhaustion, not to mention the relaxing sound of their hooves meeting the ground as they trotted across the courtyard.

The knights dismounted their horses, and the queen was greeted with a brief hug,

“we need to keep an eye out for these Saxons” Arthur started but did not expect Guinevere to agree so quickly,

“indeed, if they are able to contact Morgana at any given time, we must expect her to strike” Gwen said. Arthur stopped up immediately,

“hang on, why make such sudden accusations?” Arthur was baffled.

“I’ll explain soon enough. Come on, you must be hungry,” Gwen gently took a hold of Arthurs' arm and lead him inside.

-

Arthur yawned, “where’s Merlin?” he asked. The royal couple was ready to isolate themselves for the night, but Arthur kept reminding himself of his manservant. It was rare that Merlin stayed back in the castle when these expeditions took place, so Arthur found himself wanting him there.

The king and the knights had been away for a day or two, and Arthur was rather surprised that Gaius had been able to keep Merlin from leaving the castle. He knew Merlin. He knew about his ridiculous mindset about having to protect Arthur, and the king often wondered what made him think like that. If anything, Arthur was the one to protect Merlin. The boy looked ridiculous with a sword, he was no good.

Obviously, Arthur knew nothing of Merlin’s powers.

“I thought he was with you?” Gwen frowned. So, did Arthur,

“no? I told Gaius not to let him leave the castle. It’d be too dangerous- Do not tell me he actually left” Arthur let out a sigh, and almost stood up. Why did he think Merlin wouldn’t go after him again? He felt like a fool to expect Merlin to actually follow orders.

“well, he’s not here…” Guinevere stated.

Interesting.

-

The king quickly opened the door, to the physician’s chambers, “Merlin! Gaius, where is he? he’s supposed to actually show up. I didn’t give him his whole life off, you know- Didn’t I tell you not to let him leave?” Arthur spoke up like someone had offended his pride. Gaius stopped with whatever he was doing, and looked up at the king in a slight shock,

“I assure you, sire, if Merlin had ever shown up here in the first place, I would have informed him about this” Gaius answered, in a confused tone. He took off his glasses and put them on the table beside Arthur. The king looked like someone who had just been woken up from his sleep and been told the most unlikely story he had ever heard.

This whole thing was creating even more unanswered questions for Gaius to ask, although he held himself back for Arthur's sake – it looked like he, too, was beginning to wonder where his servant had gone to.

Arthur rolled his eyes at the thought of Merlin getting lost or whatever had happened to him out there, ‘gathering herbs’. He was starting to doubt his word. Again.

“tell me, Gaius. What exactly is he doing out there, I specifically gave him until noon two days ago, but clearly, he doesn’t care” Arthur asked, and with the help of his arms, he made it show, just how tired of it all he was.

Gaius was confused. He knew he often asked this of Merlin, but he didn’t expect it to go so far as to Arthur not believing it anymore.

The physician was about to open his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. At previous times, he had made Arthur believe that Merlin was slacking off in the tavern. Not this time though, as Gaius genuinely was worried for the warlock.

“I’m… not sure, my lord. If anything, I think he’s probably lost, but…” Gaius froze. Could it be? And why had he not considered this before?

Arthur frowned. He did find it funny though, that Gaius and Arthur shared the same mindset about Merlin being lost.

“what is it?” Arthur took a small step towards the old man,

“remember what I said about Merlin and Ealdor?” Gaius reminded him.

The king widened his eyes slightly, realizing what Gaius said was very likely to be true. He looked like one who was ready to leave but found himself stuck in place.

“No, we… Went to Ealdor... They were fine, they hadn’t been attacked…” Arthur still wore a concerned expression. Gaius wondered what was going on in his mind, and whether he was going to share his thoughts or not.

“If he’s not here, he could be anywhere. It’s been two days, almost three, you don’t think…?” Arthur indicated his genuine concern for his servant. Gaius was familiar with this expression of Arthurs, and he knew he had to be careful with his choice of answer. To be honest, he did worry for Merlin, but he also knew of his many activities regarding keeping Arthur safe. But there hadn’t been any incidents that could have indicated Merlin’s sudden disappearance.

The old man looked Arthur in his eyes, “I hope not”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! :D
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter, I had fun writing it - although I struggled a bit from time to time.
> 
> Ooooh what will happen next? O.O


	4. The search begins

Guinevere looked at her husband. She had always been able to see when something bothered him, and this was one of those times. Although, most of the time it took a while to figure out  _exactly_  what bothered him. That’s why she went to Merlin, whenever such an occurrence took place.

Gwen was not the only person to ‘wield that ability’. To be honest, Merlin did not even have to look Arthur in the eyes to know he was struggling. That’s why they were so close, Guinevere thought.

That, and the fact that they spent so much time together. Gwen loved the king with all her heart, but if she had not been the one to wed Arthur, she would’ve adviced Arthur’s choice of a woman to accept that Merlin was just as big part of the king’s life, as she was.

That’s why she was almost sure it had to do with his servant, this time. Again.

And she knew it had to do with Merlin’s disappearance. Arthur had many times before complained about his servant not being around,

_“where’s Merlin I want him back”_

She remembered this. It didn’t sound much like complaining, it sounded more like… annoyance. Not having what was usually there. A habit, but much more than that.

An attachment.

“You look troubled” Gwen decided to break the silence. Arthur only sighed and looked her in the eyes, he was frustrated. Not with Guinevere, she had done nothing to upset him. No, he was frustrated with how peaceful everything seemed, with how perfect it all was, then in an extent of three seconds, everything went wrong, everything got darker.

“I’m sorry” Arthur looked down again, his arm wrapped around the waist of his wife.

“don’t be. I worry about him too” Gwen answered, looking at him serenely.

Arthur tapped his fingers on the table, in realization. Was it that obvious? Did the knights notice as well?

The king was aware that he honestly cared for his servant, but he did not intend to show it. Not always, that is.

He felt like he wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way. Not that it was an unfamiliar feeling – it really wasn’t. Merlin had been gone before, and he had quite often not returned for a long amount of time, but there was a difference.

It was fine when he was gone and safe. But this time – Saxons coming out of nowhere, possibly attacking his home – it was not.

That, and the fact that Gaius showed his worries as well. Arthur knew that Gaius was not one for spreading concern amongst the court, so he often hid it. When it came to Merlin, though, he tended to let Arthur know about it.

Arthur was basically the only person who could do anything about it, as the king. Merlin’s disappearance, that is.

“Give him till tomorrow. If he hasn’t returned, send a patrol out to look for him” Guinevere was gentle as always. It calmed the king. She was right; the last time Merlin was lost he had been wounded too. At least this time he wasn’t. They hoped.

-

The following day Arthur had a training session with the knights. Not that he was very focused on it, though.

The knights waited for their turn to fight the king, proving themselves as well as improving.

To be honest they didn’t do much training. It was one of those lazy days – Gwaine had obviously been drinking the night before, and he was teasing Arthur from time to time.

It was a spontaneous decision anyway. Arthur had nothing better to do.

It would have taken him a while to get ready if it wasn’t for Guinevere. She  _was_  the daughter of a blacksmith after all.

The queen wished her father could see her now, what wouldn’t he say? Gwen remembered the time her father got in trouble just to buy his daughter a beautiful dress.

He was killed afterward.

Oh, he loved her so dearly. The things he didn’t do for her…

And now? Guinevere, the daughter of a blacksmith, a former maidservant of the lady Morgana; a witch who had many times tried to steal the throne.

All Gwen had to steal was Arthur’s heart. Now she’s queen – a queen who would not hesitate one bit to give her father all he needed if he was still alive. A repayment, of a kind.

“you’re too distracted, princess” Gwaine spoke, smiling jokingly. As mentioned, he teased Arthur quite often _. ‘Princess’_? he was referring to the king. Gwaine had been calling him that for years, Arthur had started to forget the reason why. One would have to ask Sir Gwaine about it, but rumors had it that he, too, did not have the slightest clue anymore.

It was Gwaine who was now facing Arthur in a duel – a part of training,

“come on” Arthur responded.

Gwaine only smiled.

It was true. Arthur was too distracted. He didn’t even know why he bothered calling the knights out for a training session, he just… Did.

Perhaps he needed company. Not that Gwen wasn’t company enough, the king just needed… well, a distraction.

He was annoyed. It was there for everyone to see. And that annoyed him even more. He didn’t want them to worry, yet here he was, not doing anything training related. The knights were starring.

Gwaine sighed in confusion, “if you don’t want me to call you princess anymore, you know, just tell me?” he said.

Arthur knitted his eyebrows at that, what was he talking about? He couldn’t care less what names Gwaine was calling him, he was a knight after all. A brother.

“no, just… I need you to do me a favor,” he answered. The knights looked at each other, Gwaine shrugged.

“send a patrol out and look for Merlin. He’s been gone for too long if he was lost he would’ve found his way back by now” Arthur ended the conversation.

-

The knights did as told.

It was warm out. The sun peeked through the leaves, occasionally warming their skin as they rode through the woods.

Their horses were not acting up, so that was a good sign. Another thing Merlin had taught them – not intentionally, but the warlock knew more than they imagined. They couldn’t help but learn from him – was that a horse’s reaction to the environment was of importance.

On past expeditions, Arthur had made fun of Merlin for paying close attention to the horses. But, as always, he was right. The horse acts up? They’re in danger.

Now, Merlin was often right, but the rest of the time he really  _was_  just an idiot. According to the king.

It was peaceful out in the woods though. Percival quite enjoyed himself,

“one thing is that Merlin is lost, but it’s not the worst weather to be lost in,” he said, followed by a smile. Gwaine responded with a chuckle, and Percival loved that about Gwaine, he always understood a joke. Sir Gwaine basically  _was_  a joke. Not to be mistaken with a person no one took seriously, he was just a blast to be around. Most of the time.

The knights could make all the jokes they wanted, they knew that. But none of them were funny if not they found what they were looking for.

With that in mind, they rode on.

There wasn’t much to look for, to be honest. Nothing indicated Merlin had been around in their area of choice, but they all knew they were going to spend the rest of their lives out in the woods until they found him.

Sir Leon was probably the most reasonable of them all when he was in his element. One would say he was at the top of his profession, but that was debatable. According to the knight himself.

Speaking of Leon, he stopped.

Sir Elyan looked around, “what is it?”

Leon dismounted his horse, and they all followed his movements rapidly.

“Shh,” Leon drew his sword and waited.

It was quiet.

A twig broke in the distance, now they were all on guard.

The heavy sounds got closer, heavy breathing filled the air, a big black figure appeared from the bushes.

The knights were stunned with awe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! :)
> 
> First of all, sorry for the delay with this chapter! I wasn't feeling great when I was supposed to write it, but here it is! :)
> 
> I hope you like it.
> 
> Here, have a sword: 
> 
> o=)======>
> 
> (also thank you so much for 500+ hits? :o I didn't really expect that hjhjhjhj thank you)


	5. The Horse

A horse.

A big, black mighty horse. It had the longest mane any of the knights had ever seen.

It stared at them. They stared at it.

Elyan stirred, the horse didn’t seem spooked. So, he found himself approaching it.

“Hey there...” he spoke softly. He carefully approached the animal, slowly reached out to touch it. The horse didn’t move.

“There you go… How did you end up out here?” He asked, even though the horse was not able to answer.

Gwaine put his sword back in his belt, looking at the mighty creature in front of them. Elyan looked like he had it under control, but Gwaine was tempted to join him.

“it’s beautiful,” Gwiane said. He ran his hand down its neck, the horse responded with a light snort.

Leon looked around. The treetops swayed in the light summer breeze, and even tough Gwiane and Elyan were small talking, it was still quiet. Too quiet for Leon’s liking, too quiet to not be on guard. He and Percival were basically the only ones looking out for them, now that they evidently had started a conversation with the stallion.

“be careful” Leon finally said. Gwiane looked back with a slight smile, obviously thinking he was overreacting.

“what for? It’s a horse, it can’t do much damage. In fact, it can’t even wield a sword” Gwaine had picked up a straw, that was hanging out his mouth. None of them had seemed to notice before now.

Leon rolled his eyes. They were always like this, having a discussion now and then. It was nothing.

All the knights – including Arthur – were like brothers, you would expect them to get on each other’s nerves sometimes.

“There aren’t many wild horses out here now that I think about it” Gwaine wondered. He turned around, looking at the horse for the second time. The horse had a twinkle in its eyes, it stood unnaturally still.

“horses don’t run wild in Camelot, and certainly not in any other kingdom. This horse is not wild. It’s free… And in order for a horse to be free, there have to be people around to free it” Leon said.

The other knights looked at him with knitted eyebrows. Even the horse seemed surprised.

It’s not like it was unexpected information, Leon was just usually not the one to state the facts. Merlin and Arthur took care of that.

Gwaine sighed, “you think it’s the Saxons, don’t you?” he asked. Gwaine hated when he had to be serious. He rarely was, to be honest. He always cracked a joke, whenever in a situation of conflict, and the others had gotten used to it now.

Leon opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Yes, he thought it was the Saxons. It was the only logical reason as to why a horse was running freely in the forest.

“Maybe it’s a good thing. Merlin was out gathering herbs, he couldn’t have gone very far. The Saxons must have him in captive, there’s no other explanation” Gwaine said. He drew his sword once more and took as many steps forward as the horse would let him.

It snorted in protest, stamped its hoof in the ground. The knights looked at each other.

“maybe it sensed something,” Percival said. He had been quiet throughout the whole incident, but eventually made use of his vocal chord.

They looked around.

This was one of those things Merlin had taught them unintentionally. To look for the horse’s reaction.

“we need to ride back to Camelot and inform Arthur”

-

The throne room was empty. That’s how Arthur thought of it, not having Merlin there. He worried he was overreacting, he wasn’t, was he? As far as Arthur knew, Merlin didn’t stand a chance out there, if he ran into a bunch of Saxons.

He sighed.

He was waiting for the patrol to return, and even though he didn’t expect them to have found his servant, his hopes were high, and he hated himself for it.

Knowing something, but not accepting it. That was what he felt. A lack of acceptance, but what for? Looking at how effective the boy was during work was not exactly impressive. So, what made his heart beat so fast?

He was nervous, that was the answer. Nervous that they hadn’t found him. Nervous that he was lying somewhere, hurt or worse.

Nervous that he would have to look for another servant – one that was not brave enough to stand up to him, talk back, give advice and be his friend. Only Merlin had been able to do that without feeling guilty. Merlin was the only person treating Arthur as a normal human being.

Arthur had told Merlin once, that he couldn’t bear to lose him, and even though Arthur had made it sound like a joke then, he now feared he was right.

No. Stop these thoughts, Arthur was tired of them constantly being the only thing on his mind.

It felt like a millennium. He had been waiting for a millennium, yet time passed unnaturally fast.

The knight finally entered the throne room, and Arthur stood up, his eyes searching for a certain dark hard male amongst the group.

No luck.

He closed his eyes in disappointment, trying to hide that fact that he was in a state of sweaty palms, and a racing heart.

“I take it you found no sign of him?” Arthur sincerely hoped he was wrong.

Percival approached the king, “that’s… Not quite the case, my lord” he responded.

Arthur lit up,

“you found him?” The king asked, not daring to let out a relieved sigh before it had been confirmed.

Percival tilted his head. It was obvious he was hesitant. Hesitant because he didn’t want to disappoint the king, that is.

“we have not found him, sire. But we might know who have… We came across a horse, sire, it wasn’t wearing any saddle… We thought it may belong to the Saxons, and…,” Elyan cleared his throat, “we feared the Saxons may be close. So, we only did what we thought was the right decision-” Elyan stepped forward and spoke in Percival’s place. All the knights knew how important this mission was to Arthur, it’s not like telling Arthur the bad news was the most desired task.

Arthur took a step back, “what are you saying?”

-

Guinevere followed her husband with fast steps,

“That area is swarming with Saxons, Arthur, you can’t go there!” Gwen said. She truly was worried about Merlin too, but Camelot only had one king. She didn’t want Arthur to be the last.

“I know, I just… I have to” Arthur kept walking down the stairs to the courtyard, but his steps were reduced by his wife’s hand rapidly taking a hold of his arm,

“it’s too dangerous, it’d be a suicide mission, Arthur please-“ Guinevere said, despite knowing there was no changing his mind. There never was. She had been able to make him talk back to king Uther few times in the past though, but even then, he was too stubborn to do much about it.

Arthur stopped up. He looked back at his wife with frustrated eyes, “do you expect me to just sit and twiddle my thumbs while Merlin is out there, possibly hurt or worse? I’m not listening, Guinevere” Arthur said. Gwen let go of her husband’s arm, more or less accepting his choice.

Arthur mounted his horse.

“I understand,” Guinevere started, “I do, Merlin is my friend too, just… The Saxons are out enemies, they were strong enough to take on most of the south, they basically have their own kingdom now” Gwen was worried for her husband. She wasn’t surprised, though. They had been in this position before, it wasn’t the first time she had tried to prevent Arthur from going out alone.

The horse took a few steps forward, eager to move. Its tongue adjusted the bit in its mouth, and Arthur automatically lengthened his reins.

Arthur’s voice softened. He was talking in his usual confident tone, and if not the words he spoke had worried Gwen, the tone he spoke them in certainly would.

“Then you must be ready to fight them if I do not return,” Arthur said.

“Do not say that Arthur… You  _will_  return,  _with_  Merlin, I know it” Gwen said. She held the king's hand, showing him the faith, he needed to see.

Arthur looked her in the eyes, smiling at her.

They were interrupted shortly after though, “we’ll come with you” It was Gwaine speaking. He and Leon came riding towards him. They had decided that they, too, did not want the king to do anything stupid.

Arthur nodded proudly. Shortly after, the three of them kicked their horses forward, preparing for whatever they might encounter.

“they have a strong bond, my lady. You can’t blame him” Percival said, after clearly overhearing their conversation.

Guinevere found herself agreeing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We meet again ;)
> 
> I hope this chapter was enjoyable, feel free to leave your thoughts on it, it will be much appreciated <3  
> And again, thank you so much for almost 700 hits! Idk how that happened ahah thank you <33 (I'm just rly happy okay)
> 
> Laters!


	6. Arthur - King Of Silence

There was a good amount of tall and skinny, pallid trees in this part of the woods, all trying to catch a glimpse of the sun. Their long branches reached out after the knights, a bunch of them looking like skeleton hands.

The sunlight was showing its many pale faces to the bear forest floor, warming he horses’ fur – the four-legged animals were already exhausted. The horses let out a neigh now and then, it was no surprise that they were being told to move rather rapidly forward, two of them only trying to keep up with Arthurs horse.

Wonder if they knew what they were doing? To them, – the horses – they were doing nothing more than riding around in the woods, following instructions from the heavy man on their back.

“You’re awfully quiet, princess,” Gwaine said.

Arthur ignored him.

Nothing important ever exited Gwaines mouth – outside of battle, that is. It was a bit like Merlin, actually. Was that the reason he and Gwaine got along to well? They did know each other before Gwaine was knighted, after all. Gwaine was all about having fun. Merlin was all about seeing the good in the worst of people. They were a rather good match of personalities if you chose to look deeper into their similarities. Although there was one difference between them;

Arthur  _liked_ Merlin.

Not to state that Arthur didn’t fancy Gwaine’s company, but at times Arthur wished for the man to just stop talking. In fact, he wished that for Merlin as well. To just shut up. Shush. Don’t talk. But it wasn’t that simple, both Gwaine and Merlin had a way with their mouths, they never shut up. Always talking nonsense, always trying to be funny when they shouldn’t, always bringing light to the king’s boring, dark days.

Wait, what?

Arthur sighed. He was thinking too hard. Stop doing that.

He looked around. A bird had landed on the tree to his right, chirping a nice little melody he imagined Merlin would find marvelous. He always did. Arthur wondered why, sometimes.

He cleared his throat, realizing Gwaine was, in fact, correct; he was awfully quiet. And it’s not like he wanted the knights to be aware of the reason, even though they had created their own ideas already.

“We’ll take a break. Water the horses…” Arthur said. He pulled in the horse’s mouth, enough for it to stop moving.

Arthur dismounted and looked around at his choice of resting spot. A fallen tree covered with moss was positioned across the clearance he had picked out oh so beautifully – merely a quick spontaneous decision.

“now?” Sir Leon asked confused. Arthur gave a nod in response, so Leon only followed the instructions Arthur had given them. Not serious instructions though, they were simple, maybe a bit boring.

-

Arthur leaned against a tree.

They had not sat there for a long time before Gwaine had started talking. Again. It was often that the knights enjoyed his positivity during darker evenings, and due to the awkward silence, that floated in between them, Leon was quite happy to hear Gwaine’s voice.

“Still not dreaming about cheese tasting of apple pie?” Gwaine smiled, referencing to the time he… Well, had a dream about cheese and apple pies. And, not to mention the time he scared everyone around him, making a loud noise sounding like an arm being broken. The source of the noise? An apple. He had eaten an apple. Only Gwaine could do such a thing in such a situation.

Leon chuckled lightly, relieved some of the tension had been lifted. Arthur smiled slightly. You would have to pay attention to see it.

Something was off about Arthurs silence. The two knights had obviously picked up on it quickly though, it had been explained subtly many times, so they didn’t really have to ask for a reason. They knew it had to do with Merlin.

“alright. Sorry” Gwaine said. Leon was surprised. Gwaine rarely apologized. Especially to Arthur. But even in this unique situation, Arthur was quiet. They knew he could hear them, but they didn’t know whether he  _wanted_  to hear them, or not.

“If you worry that much about him, then why are we stuck here? We’re not going to find him by sitting here all day” Gwaine said. He knew he was right. So did Arthur. So why didn’t they just get up and continue the search? It was not like Arthur didn’t want to, so why?

Arthur let out a sigh. His frustrations were visible, it was usually Merlin who calmed him down. He had a way of talking. There was just something about the way Merlin acted towards him, he had made himself believe he was responsible for literally everything that went wrong, which Arthur found utterly ridiculous. There was no way that Merlin could be responsible for Arthurs mistakes and flaws, the boy was simply loyal, Arthur thought. A little too loyal, maybe.

“Alright then. Let’s get moving” Arthur said.

The horses had been watered and were ready to go once more.

Just as they mounted, they heard someone – or some _thing_  – move rather quickly towards them. Arthur glanced in its direction. There was nothing to see at first. Only noises. Familiar noises. Noises that sounded of a horse - and a scared one.

Arthur had only just put his foot in the stirrup when both Gwaine and Leon had dismounted and joined him up front.

Arthur looked at them. They wore a confused expression, both starring at the big, black horse trotting in their direction.

It stopped right in front of them.

“That’s… That’s the horse we were talking about, sire,” Leon said, rather anxiously.

Arthur frowned.

The horse was clearly out of breath, was it running from something? Hardly. It was a horse. Then again,  _probably. It was a horse._

“that’s the horse we thought belonged to the Saxons- why is it still without a rider?” Leon was baffled. And not without reason, a horse shouldn’t be running wild.

Arthur stared at it.

The horse didn’t seem very calm and down to earth, as it had when the knights and the horse had first met. This time, it was more… Eager. Zealous. Devoted. It couldn’t stand still. It was not possible that the horse had feared the knights, because again – It was a horse. So, what was bothering it?

“It’s beautiful, right?” Gwaine said. It’s pitch black, that’s what it was. Or was it? It had one – quite small but it was there – white star on its forehead. It was in the middle of everything, like a white island in a black sea. If it wasn’t because of the sudden breath of air, Arthur wouldn’t even have noticed, the horses’ forelock was covering most of its forehead.

“I suppose” Arthur responded. He approached the animal, put a calming hand on its muzzle, the horse responding with heavy breathing and nickering. It was strangely calm whenever Arthur was near it.

It followed the knights through the forest. They had tried to scare it away, but the horse didn’t care at all. It was just… There. They did not want to attract too much attention due to possible ambushes, three riders were more than enough if they wanted to go unnoticed by their enemies.

“it’s strange,” Gwaine said. Arthur was riding in the front, and Sir Leon in the middle, but yes, it was indeed strange. Leon and Arthur had formed their answers in their minds but didn’t bother saying them out loud.

“It won't leave us alone” Gwaine continued.

Eventually, Arthur had to agree. Especially when dusk paid them a visit.

The horses were tied to three different trees, all begging for water.

The fourth horse? The – almost – pitch black stallion standing in the middle of everything? I was still there. The Knights figured they shouldn’t try to tie it up if it finally decided to leave them alone.

Ultimately, they had succeeded in lighting a fire. A small one.

Arthur sat in silence once more. He felt he had been outdoors all day. At times he had tried to make himself believe he was on a hunting trip. It didn’t work. He was still worried about his manservant.

He could be  _anywhere_.

The Knights had already gone to sleep, Arthur stayed up. He meant to look out for any dangers but found himself not paying attention to his surroundings. One would say he was tired. Others wouldn’t - Not those who knew how to pay attention to details. It was simply too obvious, that if someone was to write a book about his subtle sulkiness, it would fill pages of precious writing.

It was quiet. No clouds could be spotted, whether that was because of the trees’ broad treetops, or the fact that Arthur’s eyes had begun to shut close, no one knew. The king felt lonely. This was one of those times he would have appreciated Merlin’s nonstop talking, reminding him that he  _wasn’t_.

Arthur quickly opened his eyes once more, when he felt warm breaths on his neck. He turned around. The horse had joined him, it would seem. The king sighed and managed to pat the horse lightly, despite his sleepiness. He no longer felt alone. Even if it sounded ridiculous, Arthur had a funny little feeling that the horse, too, was searching for a lost cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you sm for reading <3 I hope it's enjoyable, I know I say that a lot, but I do hehe...
> 
> Laters!


	7. He Should Have Known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before you read!  
> I figured I should just explain this now since I'm overthinking everything about how people react whoops.  
> I never intended for the reader not to notice what is revealed at the end! I'm very new to AO3 and very used to Wattpad, so since it's not possible (kinda) to create a cover for our stories here, I couldn't really make it clear that you're (somewhat) supposed to know what's going on, and I apologize for that, if I confused anyone! :) The cover I used for this story on Wattpad was an illustration I drew specifically for this story, and I realize now that should have included it in the first chapter :O I'll go back and add the cover in chapter 1. Feel free to take a look if you want :)  
> Anyways, that was all. Thank you for reading :) <3 Hope I didn't confuse anyone and sorry if I sound dramatic :o

It didn't matter how long it took, Arthur was going to search the entire woods if he had to. He had searched the entire woods for Guinevere several times, why wouldn't he do it for Merlin?

Even when Guinevere had betrayed him with the whole Lancelot incident, Arthur had still found her and well... She's the queen. It would take a lot for someone to forgive so easily. If it wasn't because of Merlin, Arthur probably wouldn't even have started searching for her in the first place. And, well, if it wasn't for Merlin, Arthur wouldn't have searched for  _him_. Makes sense.

With so many people close to the king betraying him, he didn't think he could take much more. It wasn't humanly possible, was it? To look someone in the eyes who's betrayed you? Lied to you? Someone who's passed oneself off as someone they're not? Turned against you and everything you stand for? That's what Morgana did. That's what all of them did... Thinking about it, Arthur wouldn't even be surprised if someone else did it. Or would he? No one knew. Especially because, as far as Arthur knew, all of them had been exposed. He never had to go through such betrayal again.

Arthur had never felt safer and more endangered at the same time, ever before.

To know who's with you, and who's truly not, was a relief. But at the same time... knowing who turned against you, and knowing they once were so dear to your heart, was the biggest threat of all. Anyone could betray you. The knights, the guards, hell even Gaius could suddenly have had enough of Arthur's whatever, and not fancy being his friend anymore. Or his ally.

It wasn't likely though. Gaius had been a friend of Camelot as long, as Arthur could remember. The knights were loyal to the king too. Although Gwaine never was very enthusiastic about royals, he wouldn't turn against Arthur, would he? Hardly. As long, as Merlin was still in Camelot, Gwaine wouldn't leave.

And Elyan? The queen's brother? Honestly, who knew. Uther had Elyan's father executed, and Arthur had temporarily the knight's sister banished. Arthur didn't like to think about all of this. He knew he was thinking about those things too much, it was simply all he had in mind.

The next day was right around the corner, and the royal prat had finally fallen asleep. That's something Merlin had called him the first time they met.

All of this was delirious. Not exactly in a good way, and Merlin's disappearance was to handle, but the Saxons invading land everywhere was... Less exciting, to be fair. None of this was exciting in any way, but... well, once you've been around everything enough to get used to it, you learn to handle it wisely.

"My lord"

Arthur was half asleep. Who spoke? He couldn't figure out if it was in his dream or not. Everyone called him 'my lord' anyway, so there really was no difference in the long run.

Despite his bed being unnaturally hard and itchy, he slept just fine. And he intended to keep on sleeping.

"Princess!"

Nevermind.

Arthur opened his eyes slowly. Either someone had kidnapped him  _and_ his bed, or he was still dreaming.

He sat up. Right. Merlin. That's what he was doing out there. Honestly, how could he have forgotten about that? It was the trees that gave it away, that he was in the woods, with two of his knights.

"What's going on?" Arthur looked around, "you let me sleep in?!" the king rushed to his feet, looking like he had no idea where he was.

"Apologies, sire, we noticed you weren't quite yourself, so-" Sir Leon said, but was interrupted,

"you're distracted. That's the truth" Gwaine said. Leon sighed with annoyance, and Arthur rolled his eyes.

"I  _know_ " Arthur responded, and it was obvious he didn't want to agree with either of them, but it was true. Ever since Guinevere had informed him that Merlin was nowhere to be found in the castle, Arthur had been worried. Maybe even distraught.

The knights were surprised though, it was not likely for Arthur to mention what troubled him.

-

Speaking of unlikeliness... It had begun to rain. It wasn't raining a lot, just a few drops here and there.

They rode through the forest once more, the horses –  _all_ of them, the black stallion still refused to leave – seemed rather satisfied with the cool drops of water landing on them gently.

Mentioning the black stallion... Gwaine rather liked the animal. He took a liking to the weirdest things at times, but he could hardly take his eyes off this horse. There was something about it. Something different, yet familiar.

The horse seemed young. It had a lot of energy, it was... mirthful, but disrupted at the same time. It kept nudging Arthur, and he seemed irritated by it, several times trying to push it away.

At last, Arthur had to just accept the fact that the horse was just as irritating as a certain dark-haired young servant.

"We might as well keep the horse now," Gwaine said, kicking his horse forward in a trot, and rode alongside Arthur. Gwaine smiled. It was noticeable how he desperately tried to befriend the horse, but it didn't really react. It was much more interested in the king.

"Hah! Keep it? You're dreaming. We've got plenty of black horses back in the stable you can choose from" Arthur responded. Seemed like his mood had lifted. Gwaine stopped talking. He never expected to keep the stallion, but he thought he'd ask anyway. It was more as a joke anyway, but the horse had still let out a quite satisfied snort when the knight had brought up the matter.

Arthur rose his hand. They stopped up. The king looked to his left, where the horse was and stared at it with a surprised expression on his face. The horse seemed just as worried as Arthur. The king somehow found it amusing, that it didn't just walk on.  _Eat_ , or something, instead of  _following orders_ , or whatever it was doing.

"What is it?" Leon asked. Arthur dismounted.

He told Leon to quiet down.

"get ready..." Arthur said, realizing the low noises he had heard in the distance was, in fact, a commencing ambush.

The bandits – or Saxons, that was more likely – ran towards them, there was about nine of them.

But of course, this had to happen. Why wouldn't it? They were in the middle of a forest in the Saxons possession, this could only be expected.

They fought.

One of the Saxons made it difficult for Gwaine to fight, considering there was about three of them surrounding him.

Nothing the horse couldn't handle, right? Weird. But true. It reared up, kicking like there was no tomorrow. A bit too keen on protecting him, it would seem.

Gwaine let out a relieved sigh, "we make a great team, you and I" he smiled. The horse neighed. As a warning?

One of the men got on his feet once more, coughed a little and was quickly ready to fight again. A baffled look in his eyes. The scarf tied around his mouth and nose hid half of his face, but it was still obvious he was confused as to where the horse came from.

Gwaine noticed him soon enough, "oh- hello!" he said, fighting him once again, "nice to meet you..." He knocked him to the ground, "let's never meet again" and he was gone. The Saxon, that is.

The knight turned around to face the horse, "thanks?" he said.

Leon seemed to have it under control. Arthur looked like he was in trouble.

"Duty calls," Gwaine said and was off to fight off the rest of the men.

The horse stepped around uneasily, soon all the Saxons were lying on the forest floor. Arthur sighed.

"9 Saxons in total? I don't like that number, why not 10?" Gwaine said. No surprise though. He noticed the little things too.

Leon shook his head with a smile. A smile that soon enough faded, "sire look out!" he shouted, and an arrow flew right towards the king.

Gwaine was quick on his feet and the Saxon soon joined his other friends.

Sir Gwaine looked back. He was relieved to see his king still alive.

"Huh... There were ten of them after all!" he said with a smile, as he approached the two of them. Or three.

Arthur was lying on the ground. He wasn't hurt, but he was shocked...

"I don't-... It took an arrow for me, how-" Arthur said. Leon offered a hand to the king, helping him on his feet.

"What?" Gwaine asked.

Leon only pointed to the horse lying on the ground, an arrow stuck in its side. It breathed heavily, flinching.

"no way..." Gwaine was just as surprised, but most of all he was oddly proud of the animal.

"Quickly, find something to stop the bleeding" Arthur squatted down beside it, he couldn't believe his own eyes. He put a calming hand on its head.

Leon came back with one of the dead Saxon's scarfs, and carefully pulled the arrow out. The horse nickered in pain.

"It's only a flesh wound... It'll be alright..." Leon said, assuring both Arthur and the horse that it wasn't that bad at all. A horse's skin was thicker and overall more robust than a human's. It'll be okay.

Arthur was still bewildered, "I don't- I don't get it... It's a  _horse_?" Arthur said, desperately looking for a pair of eyes that would agree with him. Gwaine shrugged.

"it  _did_  follow us everywhere. I saw what it did to you Arthur, the other night. I couldn't sleep either. You calmed down as soon as the horse was with you, correct?" Gwaine asked.

Arthur frowned, and Leon watched their conversation with wide eyes.

The king sighed, "first of all, Gwaine, stop watching me in the dark, it's creepy. Second of all... Yes," Arthur looked at the stallion, taking a deep breath, "I fell asleep shortly after. There's something weird about this horse" Arthur said, and the other knights could only agree.

Its eyes had a homely feel to them, in fact, if you looked closely, they weren't animal-like at all.

Arthur looked into its eyes. It was strangely relaxing.

The horse stirred, causing the scarf they used to stop the bleeding, to glide down its neck, landing on the ground in front of Arthur. The horse noticed and snorted.

It grabbed the scarf with its mouth, Arthur watched carefully.

The horse waved the scarf up and down, after managing to lift its head and lie somewhat normally. The stallion finally let go of it. The small scarf landed on its neck, and everything suddenly made sense.

Of course. He should have noticed. Everything added up, all the irritating nudging, the fact that the horse willingly took an arrow for him. It was right there, right in front of him the whole time.  _He_  was right in front of him the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my :o
> 
> Hello again :) Hope you liked this mwhahah. Thank you for reading <3  
> Thank you for the support!


	8. Going Somewhere Else

"Merlin..." Arthur's voice broke.

Suddenly everything made sense, but at the same time, nothing did. How had Merlin ended up like this? Who did this to him? Why?

"Sire?" Leon looked at the king with questioning eyes. Hadn't they noticed? Or was Arthur the only one who could see it, was he going crazy? Hardly.

He always recognized Merlin. In fact, that's a lie. Arthur just never realized that Merin could possibly be a sorcerer, he just assumed he was helpless and, well, normal. Even with several accusations thrown towards his servant, he still didn't get it. He didn't pay enough attention, Merlin thought.

"I-..." Arthur didn't take his eyes off the horse- no. _Mer_ lin. He didn't take his eyes off Merlin.

Everything and nothing ran through his mind, he was simply speechless. It was humanly impossible to suddenly become a horse, right? That's how Arthur knew it had to do with magic.

"Are you alright?" Sir Leon asked. Arthur met his gaze and looked absolutely taken aback by his question. How could he ask that? Of course, Arthur was not okay. Merlin had saved his life once again, and he couldn't even thank him. Not that he usually made a big fuss about thanking Merlin in those situations, but this time... It was different.

Merlin had taken an arrow for him, it was not the first time, and at what else? He was a _horse_ , for crying out loud, _even_ as a horse, _non_ _-human_ , no matter _what_ , he would protect the king at any cost. Arthur realized that now.

"I'm... Fine" Arthur responded, fidgeting. Obviously, he hid the fact that he had no idea what to do.

-

Darkness had found its way to the men, and the trees looked like a bunch of tall shadows constantly keeping them under surveillance, as weird as that may sound.

The fire was lit, being the only light source. Leon kept an eye on Arthur, and Gwaine surprisingly hadn't said a word for the first time in a while. Leon had to admit he was worried for the king. He worried, that Arthur claiming Merlin was a horse, was in fact not correct. It could be dangerous. But he waited.

Arthur worried too, and he had so many questions, _so_ many unanswered questions. He hadn't quite processed the situation yet, maybe he was in disbelief. Or was he? Not even that, did he have the answer to. He was confused. Shocked, that's for sure.

It wasn't cold that night. Arthur leaned against a tree, and Merlin was lying to his far right, but he stayed close. It was a mystery how Arthur and the knights had moved the horse to a new location, but then again, it was a flesh wound. Nothing too serious.

The knights looked tired, the king knew they would fall asleep soon, unlike Arthur. He had a lot on his mind.

He wanted to ask Merlin, _talk_ to him, find out what kind of stupidity had led him to this.

But he couldn't, could he?

There was no way in hell he was going to talk to a horse, he thought. But... It wasn't just a horse, of course, it wasn't, it was Merlin. Arthur was surprised, not only because of Merlin's current four-legged appearance, but Arthur _knew_ him... He knew how the young man worried about him – the king -, he knew how he was determined to do anything to protect him, and he knew he was utterly hopeless at it. So why was it he couldn't protect himself? If he was so keen on laying down his life for Arthur's, surely it would be because he knew he could. So why couldn't Merlin look out for himself? Did he really put Arthur's life over his own so much, that he'd do it- do _anything_ , even though he, in reality, could not?

These were only a few of the questions he so desperately wanted to be answered. This whole situation had Arthur's mind explode, and on such a short notice as well.

A few fireflies had joined in on Arthur's silent dialog with himself, they complimented the darkness surrounding him. He looked to his far left, there were only embers left of the flames. He noticed the knights sleeping soundly on the leaves.

Good. He sighed.

The king looked at the horse, a firefly had landed on him.

"What the hell am I going to do with you?" He whispered to himself, immediately noticing Merlin's long horse-ear stir, and soon they were staring at each other. Right. A horse picked up on every little sound, even if it Arthur's low words weren't meant for Merlin to hear.

Arthur knew magic was involved, he just didn't know how to fix it. Magic had been banned for over twenty years, there wasn't really anyone to turn to.

Arthur stood up hesitantly and approached his servant. The horse's wound needed to be looked after, that was all.

Arthur squatted down with a sigh,

"Alright... I don't know how you got yourself in this situation, but..." Arthur trailed himself off, knowing what he wanted to say, but also knowing he wouldn't hear the end of it once Merlin came back. _If_ he came back.

"We're going to fix this. We will" he assured himself instead. He frowned at his own words, inspecting the horse's wound. It looked better, it definitely looked better. It was lucky, really. It was a good thing that Merlin was not in any danger, it wasn't like his life was at stake, but at the same time... Arthur didn't have a reason to look that much into his injury anymore. He just simply sat there, accompanied by sleeping knights and a horse that was not a horse.

The king let out a frustrated sigh, finally stopped pretending to be doing something productive, "listen... I don't even know if you can hear me, let alone understand what I'm saying..." he said, with shifting eyes, "as... you may have noticed, you're not exactly... well-" Arthur frowned at himself again. He had no idea what he was doing, but he needed to know that Merlin's mind hadn't been corrupted in any way.

"You're a horse..." Arthur looked at his servant, he heard his own breathing. If a horse could raise its nonexistent eyebrows, this was probably how it would look.

It didn't take long for Merlin to react to Arthur's obvious statement, and soon enough Merlin managed to stand up despite his injury form the arrow, "Merlin?" Arthur asked.

The horse only snorted and began walking away. Arthur looked back at the knights but decided to follow his idiot of a servant.

"Where are you going?" he asked. Merlin kept walking. It was like he was trying to show him something, lead him somewhere.

It didn't take long before Merlin stopped up, his ears shifting, his breathing was heavy. Arthur caught up to him eventually, irritated by Merlin's sudden choice to just leave, " _Mer_ lin what _are_ you doing?" Arthur asked, looking around, immediately noticing the basket lying on the ground, several small purple saffron flowers scattered out everywhere. He took a step back, once he realized who those flowers belonged to,

"You were attacked..." he realized.

Merlin approached him, nudged him lightly. Well, it was the only way to really get his attention, wasn't it? Arthur looked at him with knitted eyebrows. He didn't know what Merlin was trying to tell him, let alone why he was so keen on showing it to him. Arthur kept looking at Merlin's scattered herbs, the basket still moist from the rain the day before, reminding Arthur that is was in the middle of the night. Where were they going?

There was one thing that caught his attention though.

Merlin's red scarf was lying on the ground between the leaves, moist and dirty. He picked it up.

Merlin nickered, once again drawing Arthur back to reality. The horse backed up, positioned himself so that Arthur could see his entire being. The king wondered what on earth he was doing.

"What are you trying to say?" he asked, knowing Merlin couldn't answer properly. Merlin nickered again, stamping his hoof in the ground, throwing his head like a child not having their will.

It took a while, but Arthur finally picked up on what Merlin was trying to tell him. And he wasn't happy.

"I am _not_ getting on your back!" he said firmly, taking a step back. Merlin realized this and tried even harder. He seemed annoyed now. Arthur noticed this and gave in unwillingly. That is, knowing Merlin wanted him to see something, and whatever it was, it had to be relevant as to how he could be healed, or whatever it was he was going to do.

"Fine," Arthur stepped closer. It was years ago he had ridden bareback, and when he did, he had fallen off. It was rare that it happened. Arthur did realize he didn't have much to hold on to, not to mention it was very hard to stay on a horse without a saddle.

He stopped himself, "do never... Speak of this... Again, or you _will_ regret it" Arthur assured him, followed by a firm stare. Merlin blatantly ignored him, this was going to fun, he thought. Of course, Merlin really did need to... Go somewhere, but it didn't mean he couldn't have a little fun, did it?

Arthur still held on to Merlin's scarf when he mounted the horse, the one he had found on the ground when something came to his mind,

"Can you even walk?" Arthur asked, referring to his servant's wound. Merlin didn't have to be asked that question twice, to give a proper answer.

He transitioned _straight_ into a gallop, it came as a shock to Arthur, and he found himself holding on to that flowy mane of Merlin's.

"Merlin!" Arthur snapped, but he didn't listen. Arthur had underestimated his wound, it would seem.

"Slow _down_!" Arthur kept telling him to stop, but the horse didn't listen. Merlin knew he would have some explaining to do, but most of all, he knew he would have his entire life to explain once they arrived at the lake.

He didn't know how to feel.

It all made him feel nervous, to be honest. No... it made him feel _terrified_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop o.o.
> 
> (Hey btw sorry if there are any grammar mistakes in any of the chapters. English is not my first language whoops)  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Thank you for reading as always <3
> 
> Laters!


	9. The Pale Lady

They arrived at the lake shortly after Arthur’s long, tiring speech about how Merlin had a lot of nerve to run off like that, and how they would talk about this – or not at all – when Merlin came back to normal. That is if they ever found a way to do that.

Merlin stopped up when the water was at his feet – hooves? – and Arthur only found it refreshing that Merlin had led him to a lake of cool water.

“So…? What are we doing here?” Arthur asked, jumping off Merlin’s back. The horse was hesitant. This was not just a lake, this was the same place, the same lake where Merlin carried out the weak body of his love, watching her fade away. Freya had promised to help him ever since.

“Merlin?” Arthur asked, his voice indicating he wanted an answer. He looked at his servant, took a few steps forward.

The horse let out a lazy snort, not at all seeming willing to do whatever he came to do. Arthur, of course, had no clue what was going on. He only knew they’d get through this together. Somehow, Merlin always managed to go about unharmed, to always get better and never really get hurt. And when he did, Arthur was not around to witness his recovery.

The king still felt bitter about that day, when he was forced to leave Merlin out in the woods when his servant was badly wounded. He was weak, he couldn’t even walk… And Arthur wished he would never go through that again – to watch your enemies take away the only friend you ever had, the only person that was able to change you for the better.

And Merlin had made it back safely. Muddy, but safely. That’s how Arthur knew he’d be alright, that he’d make it. He always did.

Merlin looked at him, his eyes asking questions, it was almost like he was asking for permission to exist. Obviously, Arthur would give him that permission, why wouldn’t he?

The king knew Merlin was about to so something. He didn’t know what, but he didn’t really care either. As long as it wasn’t something utterly  _ridiculous_ , he’d let it happen. Arthur wasn’t exactly sure how to prevent a horse from doing its own horse-business though, he admitted that to himself. It’s not like he expected Merlin to do anything horse-related, Arthur was  _very_ aware that his mind was perfectly fine. Or perfectly irritating.

Merlin let out a frustrated snort before stepping into the water and… Laying down?

“Merlin- What the  _hell_ are you doing?” Arthur asked, finding himself very confused as to what he was witnessing. It was understandable. Merlin was about to do something he knew he would regret doing, but there was not really any way out.

Arthur had to be a part of it, just as he was a part of Merlin’s destiny. He needed to see. To pay attention for once.

The water looked like sparkles on the horse’s skin, making it shine even brighter than before, and it honestly looked marvelous in the moonlight. It looked like Merlin was totally relaxed, which was strange to Arthur. Had he brought him there just to lay in a puddle of water? He sighed at the thought of it, this was ridiculous in his opinion, and the king of Camelot did not like ‘ridiculous’.

“Merlin, please tell me-“ Arthur was trailed off. He was right about the horse’s coat shining in the water, but not  _that_ bright. It was then he realized something unexplainable was taking place, and he immediately found the wet, pallid, skinny hands on Merlin’s face very disturbing.

He widened his eyes, “Merlin…” He warned, approaching him further, and was very close to drawing his sword and defend him from the unexplained atmosphere surrounding them. If only that was possible, he thought to himself.

He kept watching the hands become a part of a clear, distinct female body rising from the water, and he could do  _nothing_ to prevent it.

“Merlin!” He shouted, unable to infringe the invisible shield put up around the horse and the woman.

No matter how hard he tried to break through the shield, nothing could break it. It was impossible, and it worried him. Too much had happened for his liking – the Saxons were still out there, possibly connected to Morgana, Merlin went missing but he was right under his very nose the entire time, having to leave the knights alone temporarily because a certain  _horse_ ran off with him, and now this… This was it, he thought. This was the end, he couldn’t do anything to stop this, he didn’t have the magic it took to transform him back, hell he didn’t even  _have_ magic, and to be honest, he was glad he didn’t.

If this was what sorcery looked like, if this was what his father had warned him about – this pallid, lean, eerily beautiful woman – then thank god he didn’t have to look at it every day.

Arthur groaned with frustration, running out of ideas as to how he could potentially break through the shield. It was no new information that he was tempted to run his sword through the lady who seemed to know what she was doing. That was a bad sign, right?

Arthur didn’t know who she was, although she looked mainly familiar to him. That was another bad sign in Arthur’s book.

The young Pendragon was not aware how much of it he could take, and his patience finally came to a test when the woman started mumbling foreign phrases into Merlin's ears. Arthur shivered. He felt extremely uncomfortable, watching this sorcery take place like no one knew of the Camelot laws.

Arthur mumbled words he didn’t mean to say, but it was the truest feeling that came with them. Worry. Disbelief. Anger.

“Stop!” Arthur shouted, unaware of what else would happen to his servant. He couldn’t make out what the woman was saying, but he knew it was magic. And it wasn’t amateur magic.

The next thing Arthur witnessed was the scariest of them all. A flash of sharp light appeared, and the king had to close his eyes to not damage his sight.

As soon as the light faded, it went silent. Arthur didn’t dare to turn around. He was scared. What if he saw something terrible? Something completely unnecessary? Something he never wanted to see but was his mistake? His breath was heavy. He knitted his eyebrows at that, he didn’t recall a racing heart. That’s when he realized he wasn’t the one breathing heavily.

The king turned around rapidly, discovering a friendly face, and a fairly smaller body lay at the water’s edge, it was all quiet around them. The woman had disappeared, and by the looks of Merlin’s position in the water, he had reached out after her. What the hell, was going on?

No time for questions.

Arthur ran to him, relieved that the shield had been lifted. He wouldn’t know what to do if he was unable to get to him.

“Merlin…”

Arthur dragged him away from the water, he was either unconscious or very weak from the magic being performed on him. Obviously, his servant wouldn’t know how to handle such power.

“Merlin!”

Arthur had no choice but to hold him, almost nothing was left of his clothes and he looked as pale as ever. His skin was cold, and the only thing that came to the king’s mind was to take off his cloak and wrap him in it.

“Hey…”

The king placed a calm hand on Merlin’s forehead, checking to see just how badly he was doing.

It didn’t take long before Merlin stirred, feeling the hand on his forehead. He continued breathing heavily, it looked like he was having a nightmare. Sweaty.

He mumbled something, but Arthur couldn’t make out the words.

Merlin reached out after the hand on his forehead, taking a gently hold on it as he whispered an unfamiliar name. Arthur frowned at the touch,

“Freya… Freya?”

Arthur was confused. He didn’t respond to whatever his servant was saying, only watched as Merlin managed to finally open his eyes.

Merlin looked up at his king, and their gazes met. Merlin had stopped moving around and was finally drawn back to reality. It was quiet.

They stayed like that for a while. Just staring. It wasn’t until Merlin noticed he was all wrapped up in Arthur’s cloak – not to mention he was basically lying in the king’s lap – that he realized he wasn’t wearing much. It wasn’t his mistake, after all, he didn’t even plan on becoming a horse in the first place.

“Arthur!” Merlin said, surprisingly overwhelmed. This was another thing Arthur found strange, Merlin  _was_ the one bringing him there, so it didn’t make sense that he was so surprised. Or maybe it did… Arthur was basically holding him. Cradling him. And not without reason, Merlin looked gravely ill back there. It was merely an act of keeping him safe.

Finally, Merlin jumped away, not feeling insanely comfortable with the whole situation. It was awkward. He sat for himself as far from Arthur as he could in his circumstances, not once looking his king in the eyes.

Arthur cleared his throat, “yet another topic we will  _never_ speak of again” he said, his voice low. Merlin silently agreed.

-

The walk back to the camp was long. Arthur had a hard time processing what had happened, and he was nowhere near ready to accept that ‘it was nothing’. He knew that Merlin wouldn’t be keen on telling him the truth, but he also knew his position as king would play a valuable part. Either Merlin would tell him the truth be _cause_  of that, or he would shut up completely because of said reason. Either way, it was sorcery, and Arthur was both furious and confused as to what it had to do with Merlin. The king had too many questions, and he intended to let Merlin know just how many of them there were.

“Where the  _hell_ have you been?!” Gwaine asked firmly, once the king was spotted behind the bushes. Arthur sighed in frustration, he was sure they were both asleep, it was the middle of the night after all.

“Why don’t you ask  _Mer_ lin” he responded, sending his manservant an annoyed look, referring to the whole ‘running off with him’ incident. Despite his attitude towards his servant, they both knew he was as relieved as ever, to have him back. _"It's almost good to see you",_ Merlin remembered him saying.

Gwaine lightened up,

“Merlin!” he smiled and didn’t hesitate to hug him. Merlin smiled in return. Leon joined them shortly after, and they had a long nice chat about what had happened. Although Arthur had a feeling that Merlin was hiding something more. He could see it in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I don't actually remember whether Freya had magic (⊃‿⊂) whoops.
> 
> Thank you for reading as always <3 Any comments will be highly appreciated X


	10. A Word Please

“What was all of that about?” Arthur asked.

He had been wanting to ask Merlin this for hours now and seeing as Merlin was already awake and tending to their breakfast, he only found it appropriate to ask.

Their conversation the night before had been full of lies, and Arthur was getting sick of it.

Merlin acknowledged Arthur’s presence but didn’t hesitate to ignore him. He had his own business to care about.

It was like no one really cared. He could have had a chance to die back then, couldn’t he? No one knew how long his body would be able to stay in that condition – as a horse, that is -, but most importantly, he was very concerned about the fact that someone had targeted him specifically. Why? And who were they? Someone with magic, that’s all he knew.

“Merlin” Arthur continued.

Merlin didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to feel, to be honest. It was all a blur – it had happened so fast, him being attacked, and watching how Arthur genuinely worried. All Merlin wanted to do was to look him in the eyes and just thank him. But he couldn’t. Not while knowing he wouldn’t have much to thank him for in the future. Merlin was going to have to explain himself, and whether that was in detail or not, Arthur would be furious.

It was bad enough that he had developed a secret relationship with Freya behind Arthur’s back – as in broken the law, without the prince at the time, knowing. He freed her. He rescued her, hid her from the kingdom right under Arthur’s very nose. He could only get in trouble for that if he told him now.

But it didn’t matter what he was going to say. Arthur would be furious with him either way. Who knows, maybe even send him away. Merlin already knew where he’d go if that was the case.

Home. To Ealdor, it wasn’t in Camelot, so he should be fine. Right?

“Will you  _answer_ me?” Arthur spoke surprisingly soft despite their situation. Merlin could either choose to ignore him and go back to how everything was, or he could choose to answer him and… There’d be no way back, he would have to talk to him, but Merlin knew deep down that he wanted to tell him. That’s why he brought him to the lake. Probably not the smartest way to tell him, but in case Freya’s magic didn’t work quite as planned, Arthur wouldn’t be able to look a horse in the eyes the same way, as he did Merlin. A relief, really.

Merlin was nervous, to say the least. He could sense how Arthur was getting frustrated with him.

“Merlin!”

Merlin sighed. He finally turned to face the king, and Arthur recognized how his servant had a hard time standing up, and shortly after noticed the way he leaned to one side more than the other. He frowned, “that still hurts? I thought-“ Arthur was trailed off. Merlin looked down at his wound for a second time that morning,

“You’re up early,” Merlin said, changing the topic very obviously. Arthur looked back at his sleeping knights with a sigh, and only shook his head in response to Merlin’s attitude towards him, and stepped closer, looking at his servant’s source of discomfort. Merlin sighed annoyingly as Arthur inspected the wound. Obviously, Merlin wasn't wearing a shirt, but that was the least important piece of clothing. Gwaine had a spare pair of trousers and even though none of the others could figure out exactly why he had them, Merlin was still grateful. Arthur pouted,

“Doesn’t look bad… Are you sure you’re not overreacting?” Arthur asked, and Merlin blatantly shoved Arthur’s arm away.

“You’re  _incredibly_ moody, you know that?” Arthur stated provoked.

Merlin was not a blast to be around, and he was well aware of that. There was not much to be excited about, Merlin was basically living a lie, and he was about to reveal it. Well, soon anyway.

Merlin knitted his eyebrows, “I’m sorry” he said. It sounded like he was being forced to apologize, which Arthur was not a fan of. But, the king knew that something was bothering his servant, so he did not hold himself back. He would, though, hold himself back if it wasn’t because of the many secrets he saw in Merlin’s eyes.

“I don’t know if it’s some kind of…” Arthur frowned, “horse… After effect, or whatever, but I  _do_ know something’s bothering you, and I think I know what that might be” Arthur said, trying hard to meet Merlin’s gaze, but he couldn’t. Merlin looked like he had failed the world. He might as well have been in tears, but that was another thing he hid away well.

Merlin responded with a low chuckle, “I doubt it” was all he said.

With a low sigh, Arthur sat down on the ground beside Merlin. He had done that a few times before. One of those times, Merlin had been hurt, but all Arthur knew, was that it wasn’t physically. Arthur admitted to himself that he wasn’t happy with how Merlin’s mind worked – all his subtle insecurities, all the times he wanted to join Arthur on dangerous missions, damn that, Arthur thought, he’d let him. That’s right, he’d let him tack along. First of all, Merlin was his servant. It was his job. Second of all, even if Arthur told him to stay, Merlin would find a way to sneak along anyhow.

The warlock stood awkwardly, not really knowing what to do, where to look. That was before Arthur had told him – in quite a firm way – to sit down.

So, he did.

“We need to talk,” Arthur said. Merlin knew this was the beginning of his biggest desire, yet his worst nightmare. His heart started beating faster,

“We do?” Merlin hesitated. Arthur noticed it, which only gave him more reasons to carry on. One would not react this way if they weren’t hiding something,

“You’re being weird. More than usual, that is,” Arthur added. The king didn’t like sentimental talks, yet he cared for his servant enough to do it anyway. This time was different though. He knew, from the way Merlin’s eyes were shifting, the way he was avoiding answering questions about the lake incident, that he was hiding something more. One thing was that Merlin was healed by sorcery, but another thing is that Merlin was healed by sorcery he  _knew existed_. Arthur needed to know.

Merlin shook his head, finally meeting Arthur’s gaze, “you know, Arthur, I’m exhausted, alright? I was literally  _a horse_  if your arrogant, pompous  _ass_ hadn’t noticed. I can’t bear the thought of staying a horse forever however insane that sounds – never seeing my mother again, never being able to prote-“ Merlin sighed in realization, “never… Returning to Camelot-“ Merlin was finally trailed off, and this time Arthur was eager to talk,

“It’s not your job to protect me, Merlin. I can handle that myself quite well, plus, I’ve got the knights…” he started, “I, I don’t know what made you think like this… It’s not your job to protect the kingdom, that’s my job, and my job alone. You understand that?” Arthur asked. Merlin looked away, letting silence consume him.

Merlin was in a state of confusion and fear. Two things that didn’t go well together, and if Arthur was going to provoke these emotions further, he was going to burst.

“I do” Merlin still refused to look Arthur in the eyes, and did he understand? He did. As he had made clear before, he wished he didn’t understand, but he did.

“Good” Arthur responded.

After that, he was silent. They were both quiet. It didn’t last long though, Arthur was quickly back on track with more questions, “now…” he started, and Merlin knew what was incoming. And he feared it.

“I know that it mustn’t have been easy to go through what you just went through, and I realize that. I want you to listen to me now because I’m certainly not going to repeat myself ever again…” Arthur paused, happy that he had lured out a chuckle of his servant, “I want you to know, that, despite how absolutely preposterous and unbelievable it may sound, I’m glad to have you back. Despite all I’ve ever said to you about me not caring, I’m genuinely glad to have you back, Merlin.” Arthur said, and nudged him lightly, both of them with a small grin on their faces.

Merlin met his gaze, “I’m glad to be back too” he said, and Arthur responded with a nod. Even though he wished the conversation was over, Arthur knew it had only just begun. There was so much to go over, that Arthur didn’t have a mere chance to figure out any of the answers without talking to the source of his confusion. Merlin.

“I also… Want you to know, that I have never been more… What’s the word… I, I want to know  _exactly_  what the hell was going on back at that lake, Merlin. There’s clearly something you’re not telling me about” Arthur said, and to Merlin, it sounded like he was meant to gossip about his entire life to Arthur, and that every little detail he came across in his every day was something of utter importance. Merlin couldn’t make out just why that would be so interesting to the king, but who knew? Maybe it was to Arthur. Hearing about Merlin’s day, how he was doing… Merlin wouldn’t mind that. And then again, it would mean he had to tell Arthur about his magic, about all he’s ever done for Arthur’s kingdom, about how he was the only person who could defeat Morgana and about how Arthur would be dead from day one if Merlin hadn’t been around. His magic was what kept him going, what brought him and Arthur so close, and Arthur didn’t even know that. Without his magic, Merlin would be nothing. And without  _Merlin_ , Arthur would be nothing. Merlin wasn’t sure the king would be very keen on hearing about that every single day.

Then again, that was what he wanted more than anything. To just tell him. Let him see, let him admire every single detail about his magic, to see Arthur slowly acknowledge the things his servant had done for him, and him alone. To let him realize that they have a connection on a deeper level than his and Guinevere’s. It was everything to Merlin, the fact that he would be able to use his magic freely around Arthur was… Well,  _magical_.

“I am?” Merlin responded. He had thought long and hard about what to answer, and this was what he came up with. Not very impressive.

“You are. I don’t know if it’s because you don’t trust me enough to-“ Arthur started, but Merlin found it convenient to interrupt him,

“I do trust you!”

Arthur nodded silently.

“I just… I have a private life too, you know” Merlin said, as he watched how Arthur kept nodding to himself, inspecting the ground in which they sat on. Arthur stood up, quietly looking down at the dark-haired friend of his.

“What are you doing?” Merlin asked, and Arthur did nothing but stare.

“You don’t give me much of a choice, Merlin. I don’t care what the hell you do in your spare time, but this is ridiculous… Whatever happened back there had to do with magic, and you knew about it, so whatever it is you call ‘privacy’… Well, it’s breaking the law.”

Merlin was taken aback, “Arthur…”.

The warlock didn’t know what Arthur was going to do about it, he could only watch as he took the few steps towards the knights and woke them up without a second thought. This was it, Merlin thought.

“Sire? Is something the matter?” Leon asked. It was still early in the morning, and Arthur didn’t seem to be a morning person. At least not this morning.

“I need you two to send word to Guinevere. Tell her I’m alright and tell her I’m continuing the search alone” Arthur said. He had a serious look in his eyes.

“But sire, Merlin is-“

“I know,” Arthur said. Gwaine spotted Merlin leaning against a tree, behind Arthur. His eyes were shifting, it looked like he was ready to run away any second.

“Just do as you’re told,” Arthur said, “I need to have a word with my servant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear. What ya doing there Arthur.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)  
> Thank you for reading.


	11. Her Name Is Freya

“Why would you do that?” Merlin spoke firmly, and walked rapidly towards his king, a solid minute after Leon and Gwaine were out of sight. Merlin was well aware of the fact that Arthur sent the knights back to Camelot while almost the entire woods were swarming with Saxons. How could that possibly be a good idea? Oh, and then there was that second thing. He lied to Guinevere, he downright lied to his wife, knowing the knights knew the truth and could tell her at any given time. He was going to send false information to her about what he was doing, yet he claimed he was doing it because of Merlin’s possible lies. Merlin found this absolutely absurd.

Arthur didn’t answer his servant’s words, only looked him in the eyes as he rambled on about how ridiculous he found it all. Merlin never hesitated to let Arthur know whenever he found that something was off about his decisions. Again, he was one of the only people in Camelot Arthur was willing to listen to.

“Will you shut up” Arthur finally said.

Merlin was honestly not surprised. Arthur had told him to shut up a million times, but this time he felt like Arthur meant it. That being said, Arthur never really meant any of his condescending words towards his servant, yet he always hesitated to let him know exactly that. That including the times Merlin was told to shut up, because, in reality, Arthur never wanted him to shut up. Even though Merlin often talked nonsense, he was the voice of reason. He was wise, in a very,  _very_  strange way.

Merlin sighed.

“I would, but how would I be able to put up with you then?” Merlin looked him dead in the eyes, there was no doubt he thought highly of his talking-back skills. Arthur merely rolled his eyes and was quickly out of Merlin’s eyesight.

“You know, I’m right here. There’s no need to ‘search for me’ or whatever you came out here to do, anymore! I’m right here, Arthur. Right in front of you-“

“Will you  _please_  shut up!” Arthur snapped. Arthur was clearly not in a good mood, but he hid it well.

Merlin stayed the few meters away from Arthur, while the king didn’t make any effort at all, to ready his horse. He merely sat down with a thud, his armor making him extra heavy. Merlin stared at him with wide eyes, he couldn’t believe what he just witnessed. Was it a good thing? Or was it not a good thing? Was the fact that Arthur was willing to lie to his wife for Merlin, a good thing? Or was it, truly, something Merlin shouldn’t be very excited for, exactly because of that? It was not even up for discussion. Merlin had never felt more out of place. He had never before wished he could just go back to polishing the king’s armor, washing his clothes and cleaning his chambers. Or his own chambers. Yea, that’s where he wanted to be. Away from Arthur, away from the knights and just talk to Gaius. Merlin wasn’t even sure he’d  _want_  to talk to Gaius about it all, surely, he would be mad too. Or disappointed. Scared.

Or maybe these were all things Merlin was feeling. So anxious whenever Arthur was asking him about ‘the woman’, for once, Merlin wished he would just talk about something else. Even though Merlin truly wanted Arthur to know about his magic and his destiny, and everything else he was all about, this was just not the way he had wanted to tell him. Stupid, he thought. Now he regretted everything about taking Arthur to the lake. Why did Merlin think that was a good idea again?

Merlin needed to feel better, so he blamed it on his horse-self. Another thing he didn’t have time to investigate further. It was all because of Arthur, all because of his arrogant king, who’s arrogant ass he had saved a million times, who’s arrogant ass he cared for enough to shake off these thoughts.

Merlin finally approached his king. It wasn’t pleasant, but that was only because he knew stuff Arthur didn’t know.

“Arthur?” he asked.

Arthur looked up at his servant, looking like a very disappointed child. The king didn’t have to respond verbally – the eyes were the window to the soul, right? Arthur seemed to have realized that as well.

“I thought we’d lost you” Arthur finally spoke. He looked away, sensing how Merlin suddenly was craving an explanation.

Merlin was quiet for a bit, “then… Why are you still pretending to be searching for me?” he asked.

Arthur sighed, he sat uneasily on the ground, trying to form a sentence.

“Because, Merlin, whatever you’re hiding, it can’t be of any good. I can’t bring that back to the castle, I… I know nothing about this, I don’t understand anything anymore. You were attacked, yet you still took an arrow for me – if you wanted to keep the horse-thing a secret, you probably shouldn’t have acted all Merlin-y, saving my life, – I just want to know why you kept this from me. All the… ‘Lake-lady’ stuff” Arthur buried his face in his hands for a quick second and didn’t like the idea of looking back at his servant. Funny how he just assumed Merlin had anything to do with it, Merlin could have easily just discovered the lake and found that he had an opportunity to be healed. Right?

Hardly. He was Merlin.

Merlin stood awkwardly. He didn’t know what to say. He merely stood there, looking like an idiot. He had no idea what to do or what to expect anymore, Arthur wouldn’t forgive him he refused to talk to him. Refused to tell the truth or lie to his face very obviously. Arthur would stand there, looking him in the eyes knowing exactly that Merlin was lying. As in not telling the truth, and why? Because he didn’t trust Arthur enough? Unfair, Arthur thought. The king trusted his servant with his life, with all his heart even, but that was apparently not very important to Merlin, was it? Didn’t he trust him too?

Merlin opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t know what to say. Then again, Merlin knew exactly what to say. He was just too scared, too anxious, to say anything. Too used to keeping a secret.  _His_  secret.

Every little part of the warlock was telling him to tell Arthur, just do it, see how he takes it, and deal with the consequences of his stupid decisions. It had to happen someday. But Merlin was fighting that desire. Nothing good could come out of it. Merlin found himself agreeing with Arthur on that, nothing good could come out of his secret relationship with a druid, his secret book of magic, his secret dragon-ally, his secret ability to get rid of Morgana for good, his secret knowledge about Albion and Arthur’s part in it. Nothing good.

Arthur stared at him for the first time in a little while, like he was expecting some kind of answer, yet he kept quiet himself. He knew Merlin. He knew how he didn’t have a hard time stating his opinion, but this time, he actually shut up. The king did not expect him to follow orders. But it was his job to tell him what to do, so he kept thinking of Merlin as a useless head louse. I helped.

Merlin hesitated, “I’m… Sorry I didn’t tell you, but there’s a good reason for that,” he said. Arthur looked up at him,

“Like what?” he asked, suddenly sounding intrigued.

Merlin shifted, displayed the environment around them, “this” he said. Arthur looked around and soon realized what his servant was referring to.

“I didn’t want to worry you” Merlin added. The king sighed,

“Well, you are,” he spoke, openly facepalming, “how am I supposed to think of you as useless when you’re perfectly capable of figuring things out yourself? With the help of  _sorcery_ , something, Merlin, that is  _outlawed_ ,” Arthur spoke firmly once more, “I don’t even know what that was, that… Creepy… Woman, she was all over you” Arthur shook his head, and Merlin was frozen in place.

Merlin breathed sharply, “she’s not ‘creepy’” he said. Arthur wore a surprised expression, looking at Merlin with wide eyes. This was not happening, Arthur thought,

“You’re defending her, I take it you know this water-loving woman?” Arthur asked, and it wasn’t really a question. More like a statement, something where the answer could be spotted on Merlin’s face right away. Yes, yes, he did.

Merlin looked away.

“Great. Just great. You didn’t just take part in using sorcery for your own good- for how long have you known this woman?” this time Arthur was asking, and he was expecting an answer. Soon.

As Merlin didn’t respond right away, Arthur stood up and faced him rather firmly,

“ _Mer_ lin”

The warlock didn’t move one centimeter, it didn’t matter how close to his face Arthur decided to get. He was not moving. At all.

“Her name-“ Merlin stuttered and was trailed off by the growing lump in his throat. Arthur frowned.

“Her name is Freya”

Merlin kept looking away from Arthur, focusing his eyes on a nearby tree, trying hard not to let it show how he didn’t want to talk about her. Anything but her.

“And who is she?” Arthur asked. No mercy, Merlin thought.

His servant didn’t respond, and Arthur didn’t have any of it,

“Who _is she_?” he asked for the second time, forcing an answer out of Merlin. The warlock wasn’t having it either.

Finally, Merlin slowly turned his head to face Arthur. His eyes were shining with held back tears, and his breathing was intense. Passive aggression, no doubt. The king softened his expression when he saw this.

It was quiet around them.

“She is the only person who I’ve ever loved”

Merlin still refused to stir, still refused to let Arthur’s title as king have any say in how he behaved towards him. This was noticeable.

Arthur stepped back when hearing this, accepting defeat. Now, no one but Arthur knew how dark Merlin’s eyes could seem, how pale his skin could become, and how his black hair was in perfect contrast with the demons he saw in his eyes. Arthur knew he had provoked some kind of weakness in Merlin – darkness, perhaps, and he instantly regretted it.

Merlin couldn’t hold back the tear that blurred his vision any longer, “and you killed her. You killed her Arthur”

The king was shocked. He felt how pale he was getting himself, and he didn’t have an excuse other than being completely speechless.

He had never in his wildest dreams hoped to see Merlin with that expression on his face, he seemed so…  _intimidating_.

Merlin had gone through hell to be with this woman, to look her in the eyes for the last time, and Arthur couldn’t start to imagine how he had gone through such tragedy alone. All these emotions, all these thoughts that ran through Arthurs mind when he looked Merlin in the eyes – they were all foreign. He felt so… Small, in comparison to his servant. It should be the other way around, he thought. But it wasn’t. Merlin was just as capable of falling in love as the king was, and Merlin was even better at holding back tears – almost like he had done it before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah. Well. That was... Something, I guess.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	12. Please read!

(This is not a Part of the storyline)

Hey! Sorry for the false ‘chapter’, but I’m going on vacation tomorrow (30 July), so it’ll be a little while before I upload a new chapter :) probably won’t be able to bring a laptop with me ;( I _am_ bringing my IPad though, but still, I’m not sure I’ll even have the time to write an entire chapter.

I’m going home August 2, so it’s not because I won’t upload for weeks lol, I just thought I’d let you know hah.

Thank you for your time tho! Have a good one <3


	13. Silent Apologies

It had been a day since Arthur had learned about Merlin’s secret romance. Arthur was not sure how to feel about it, all he knew was that he had held a low profile ever since.

They hadn’t talked – not since Merlin’s outburst of sudden hidden emotion, Arthur had never seen him like that before. It was weird. But to some degree, he understood. Merlin had met a girl he liked, but also a girl, who was feared. It was simply wrong. She had practiced magic right in front of them, back at the lake, and that was wrong. Outlawed. She had magic or at least played a part in it.

And yet Merlin managed to go about, acting like his usual self, knowing nothing could really happen between them. Arthur didn’t know how he did it. How he managed to not say a word about it to Arthur – Merlin basically knew everything Arthur ever struggled with, one of the things being his relationship with Guinevere. Why shouldn’t Merlin be able to tell him as well? Surely, he knew he could do that, didn’t he?

The feeling of not being able to contain so much love, and so much worrying, was unbearable. Thank god Arthur had Merlin, he was the only one he could trust with that information. That must have been the exact same situation Merlin had been in – falling for a woman he couldn’t have. If Uther had still been ruling Camelot, Arthur wouldn’t have had Gwen either.

Merlin wasn’t feeling any better himself. He had noticed Arthur’s silence, but he hadn’t done anything to break it. It gave him enough time to think things through.

Merlin couldn’t get the horse incident out of his mind. Especially because, if it hadn’t happened, Arthur would have never found out about Freya.

Freya. He needed to see her. Just one last time.

Merlin stood up, took a moment to observe his king not being aware of anything anymore. Man, he really did put an end to his talking, didn’t he? He felt bad. He wanted to apologize, but then again, he didn’t. Merlin wanted him to feel exactly what he felt. Just once. Just for a minute, he wanted Arthur to know how it felt to choose between a person you’ve dedicated your life to be around, and someone who you could be yourself around at any time, someone who loved you back. An impossible decision, yet he still had gone with his heart’s desire and an opportunity to let his full potential be set free. His life was limited at Arthur's side. That’s what he wanted Arthur to feel just once.

Merlin slowly walked towards his king, unaware of when he would hear another word exit Arthur’s mouth.

“Arthur,” Merlin said, low and unsure.

The king looked up at him with a deep breath, it looked like he had a lot on his mind, and he didn’t know how to express himself. He, too, felt bad.

When Arthur acknowledged his presence without a word, Merlin took the opportunity to talk to him.

“I’m… Going back for a little while…” Merlin said, but quickly recognized the confused expression on Arthur’s face,

“To the lake” Merlin added and watched as Arthur slowly understood.

Arthur merely nodded and looked down. It looked like he wanted to ask Merlin a million questions, but he decided to stick with the two simplest words he could think of, yet the two simplest words were also the words he rarely said, “I’m sorry”

Merlin stood silently. He knew what Arthur was referring to, and it made him happy. Or happier, that is. He felt a sense of accomplishment. The fact that he had made Arthur shut up for such a long time, was forming a little smile on his lips.

“I’m sorry… About Freya,” Arthur added. He remembered her name?

“But you should have told me. I may have been the prince at the time, but… You should have told me” Arthur looked Merlin in the eyes, displayed a sort of sadness Merlin hadn’t seen before.

“I know… I know should have told you, but Arthur, if I had told you, you would’ve killed her-“ “No I wouldn’t, not if I knew of her importance to you, Merlin,” Arthur defended himself, but Merlin knew the true answer to that, “but you would. Please listen to me Arthur, it doesn’t matter what I feel for her, if you knew who she really was, you would have killed her without a second thought” Merlin said.

Arthur paused. How could he think that?

“I want… I want to meet her” Arthur said. What?

Merlin took a step back, he was sure his ears had failed him. Arthur didn’t really say that, did he?

“You  _what_?” Merlin asked. Arthur nodded. Merlin raised his eyebrows and wanted to look at anything but Arthur.

“I don’t-…” Merlin couldn’t form a sentence, he never wanted this to happen. If Arthur found out who Freya really was, let alone who  _he_ really was, there’d be no mercy.

“If you go back, I’m going back  _with you_ ,” Arthur said firmly, and Merlin could do nothing but accept it. Despite all fear Merlin was feeling, he also knew Arthur could do nothing about it anyway.

“…Fine. You wouldn’t be able to kill her twice anyways” Merlin blatantly said, and Arthur immediately rolled his eyes,

“Look  _I’m sorry_  I hurt your girlfriend, or whatever, but there is no need to get  _cocky_ about it Merlin”

-

“My lady”

Guinevere turned around with excitement beaming from her eyes, finally, they had returned, and everything could return to normal.

Or everything could change.

“Leon! Gwaine…” Gwen greeted them happily, but the queen could not recognize sir Gwaine’s face without a smile or a smirk. Gwen softened her expression when she noticed this.

“Where’s Arthur?” she asked, “and Merlin? Where are they, Leon?” her concern was obvious in the way she spoke to the knights, and it didn’t get any better after Leon responded with the lie Arthur had planted in their heads,

“He… Wanted to continue the search alone, my lady. He said to tell you he was alright” Leon said, and it saddened him. The knight had served Arthur for years, and he wouldn’t know what to do if anything was to happen to him. They were friends. He knew Gwaine was feeling the same, but not for Arthur. Gwaine was worrying about the truest friend he had ever made, and that wasn’t Arthur.

“What?” Gwen furrowed her eyebrows. Anyone in their right mind could tell she was close to leaving the castle herself.

Gwaine locked eyes with Leon. He noticed he was about to break. That was not going to happen anytime soon, and Gwaine was going to make sure of that.

Leon opened his mouth to say something but recognized the firmness in Gwaine’s eyes. The dark-haired knight was used to lying, this wouldn’t be any different, it would seem. Not when it had to do with Merlin. Any secret that had to do with Merlin was worth keeping.

-

It was midday. The sun was peeking through the leaves, and Merlin breathed a sigh of relief when they reached the lake again. He stopped up and breathed in. It was nice out there. He clearly remembered the day he brought Freya there, shedding his young tears over her.

With a sigh, he sat down at the shore. He knew he had to tell Arthur what he was doing, but that would mean telling him more than he was supposed to.

The warlock could hear Arthur’s slow steps approaching him, and soon he felt the king’s hand on his shoulder. Comforting.

“So why a lake?” Arthur asked carefully. Merlin bit his lower lip, knowing Arthur would scowl at him when he told him. He stood up, and turned his had to face Arthur with a serene smile, soon turning into a grin,

“I was going to run off with her,” he said, and looked out, admiring the surface of the water and felt Arthur’s hand slowly slide off his shoulder. Merlin sighed,

“A few fields, a few cows, wildflowers and… And a lake” Merlin said, obviously quoting something Arthur didn’t know what was, and Merlin looked as though he was at peace while staring at the water.

Arthur still held the eye contact, even though Merlin already broke it. His servant was going to run off with her. He was going to leave him for a girl he barely knew, how could he do that? But the king wouldn’t be able to stand in his way, he knew that. Merlin was stubborn, sometimes even more than Arthur.

“Are you serious?” he asked. Merlin met his gaze again, this time looking like he knew he shouldn’t ever have mentioned it. The two of them had grown close over the years, and although Arthur would  _never_ admit it, he would always choose him over his wife. That’s just how it was, it was there for everyone to see. It saddened him that all it took for Merlin to leave without a second thought, was a girl he had no chance with.

“I was young, Arthur. I didn’t know what I would leave behind” Merlin said, and Arthur seemed to understand.

The king cleared his throat and looked away, “so… Where is this ‘Freya’?” he asked, and even without looking at his servant, he could hear the smile forming on his lips.

“Well, you know…” Merlin started, “she’s dead thanks to you, but I eh, I may have found a way to… visit her?” Merlin was talking nonsense again if you ask Arthur, but the look on the king’s face explained everything about how his eyes were shifting after hearing what Merlin just said.

“That’s not very nice,  _Mer_ lin!” Arthur said, and his servant let out a chuckle. Merlin knew it wasn’t a very convenient thing to say, but hey… He needed to lift the mood somehow.

The warlock stepped closer to the water, and- “Merlin what the hell are you doing?” Arthur watched as his servant stepped out in the water, his legs slowly disappearing as the water rose to his waist. He didn’t respond, but the figure slowly appearing in the distance gave him the answer he needed. It was Freya. But wasn’t she dead? Arthur didn’t understand, there was so much he didn’t understand.


	14. Truth Be Told

It wasn’t until they began talking that Arthur knew this was another magic trick. Of course, it was, if what Merlin said was true – about Arthur killing Freya, there could only be magic involved. Somehow Arthur hadn’t done anything else than yelling at his servant about it; something that didn’t do much difference to their usual days back in the castle.

Arthur cringed at their attempt at embrace, although it seemed to Merlin it didn’t matter how awkward it looked. He was at home, Arthur thought.

“Freya…” Merlin finally said. The icy lake water was tingling on his skin, but he didn’t mind, because the warmth that was shared between them was so much livelier.

“ _Merlin_ ” his name came out as a dry whisper from the steam of Freya’s mouth. The mist surrounding her almost lay as a beautiful white gown, blending in perfectly with her pale, wet skin. Her hair was hanging heavy from her head, dripping ice cold water onto Merlin’s hands.

Merlin was usually the pale one, but in Freya’s company, he was standing out with brightly colored skin and an even brighter neckerchief around his otherwise exposed neck.

“I wanted to see you one last time… And you’re here” Merlin said softly and watched as Freya’s expression grew gentle.

“ _You brought him,_ ” she said, her voice hoarse from laying in the water. Merlin couldn’t help but look back at his king and friend, standing agitatedly at the shore, staring at them as if he was watching a murder.

Merlin turned to face her again, surprised her hands hadn’t slipped out of his own yet, “he knows… About us,” he said, “he knows what he did to you”

Freya stirred in the water, her voice echoing in his head, her words limited by the rare situation of life and death meeting, “ _our secret is yet not known_ ” she said. Merlin frowned lightly, not understanding what she was talking about. Merlin had told Arthur about their relationship, about how she was the only person he had ever loved, and yet the fabric of their secret was never revealed.

It was the magic part. The why’s and the how’s of their bond, the part where Merlin would explain his entire life to Arthur. A reveal of pure magic and pure love mixed together in a wide lake of ice cold water.

“No” Merlin muttered, “he wouldn’t understand”

Freya put a gentle, cool hand on his cheek, and Merlin couldn’t help but lean into it, “ _he must know_ ” she said, “ _only then will you defeat the Saxons_ ” she finished her sentence, and her eyes shifted between Merlin’s, unable to rest. Only then did Merlin notice the shining object through the clear water at her feet. Excalibur.

The warlock shook his head lightly, “no… Please no, only bad things happen with that sword is around. Big things happen, and I usually don’t like them” he said with a childish frown and felt Freya’s gentle hand slide off his. Freya let out a friendly chuckle and recognized the fear in his eyes and ran her wet hand through his hair in comfort, “ _you have grown up_ ” she said suddenly, her eyes smiling. Merlin forced a smile and looked at her in awe.

A moment like this was rare, Merlin thought. He wanted it to last forever, just the two of them surrounded by all beauty the world had to offer.

“ _I must see him_ ” she suddenly said, “ _that is why you brought him here,_ ” Freya said, and with a tug, Merlin looked back at Arthur. He did a good job staying away, Merlin thought.

The warlock managed to catch his eyes, “he did want to meet you,” he turned his head back to Freya, “I don’t have to tell him… Do I? He wouldn’t understand, do I have to suffer that experience?” the warlock asked sadly, as he once again locked eyes with hers, “ _No. You do not_ ” was all she said before she let go of his hand suddenly. She wore an unexplainable expression, as Merlin’s hand hit the surface of the water quite unexpected.

Freya looked at him serenely before finishing their conversation abrupt, “ _you gave me a will to live. Now let me give you a promise of the same value in return_ ” she said, and watched as Merlin’s breath quickened, the expression on his face changing when he once again felt the coolness of the water act like needles against his pale skin underneath his clothes.

“ _Live long, my dear_ ” she breathed, “ _and let him come to me_ ” those were the last words Merlin heard before he was forced out of the lake by the icy feeling on his skin, his lips trembling as he reached the shores.

“What the hell was that about?” Arthur asked as he watched how his servant rather quickly sat down with a thud, hugging his legs to his chest.

Arthur frowned at him, put a curious hand on his knee, seeing as his lips had lost all color. The king retrieved his hand as soon as he felt the coldness of Merlin’s clothes on his own skin, shifting his eyes to rest on the misty woman in the lake.

Arthur was relieved to remember the bag Merlin had brought with them, refusing to leave it at their camp with the possibility of bandits stealing their belongings. The king quickly fetched his cloak from the bag, and without thinking further about it, wrapped it around his freezing cold servant, “there…” he said. Merlin looked up at him shyly from the ground, noticing the uneasy look in Arthur’s eyes.

“Thanks” he forced out. Arthur nodded to him with a smile but was not done starring at the lady standing tall in the water.

“Arthur” Merlin choked out, surprised at how easily he let the cold embrace him. Arthur met his gaze, “she seeks you… She knows… you want to see her” Merlin said as if it wasn’t a surprise at all. Arthur sighed loudly, and let out an ironic laugh, “indeed, Merlin, but then she must come to the shore if she wants something from me. I’ve seen she’s capable of it” the king said. Mostly because, if Merlin was freezing this much, he didn’t want to go anywhere near the water himself.

“No… Not like that” Merlin said, and Arthur found it hard to find the meaning behind his words.

“There’s…” Merlin breathed, “something of your belonging… In her possession, you must retrieve it. She wants to give it to you herself, please go” Merlin managed to spit out the instructions and watched as Arthur let out a sigh from deep down in his chest. The curiosity of what belonging of his was lying in the lake grew bigger in his mind, and he slowly stepped closer to the shore, “I sincerely hope this isn’t something utterly ridiculous. You know, Merlin, you’re breaking the laws  _again_ , making me  _do this_ ” Arthur focused on the last couple of words with a sharp breath as he, himself, experienced the coldness of the water. He heard the echo of a low laugh behind him, as Merlin muttered something about the ‘stupid laws being his own’.

“I heard that!” was Arthur’s way of dealing with it.

“alright…” Arthur whispered to himself, his nerves plotting against him, as he approached the woman slowly, but surely.

A little while passed, and finally, Arthur was facing Freya with all his pride showing through his eyes, his guard was up. Not that he had anything, in particular, to defend himself with, that is, but he was prepared. At least that is what he wanted to believe.

“ _Arthur Pendragon_ ” she greeted him with false delight, something Arthur noticed immediately. It struck him soon enough, that somehow he was the reason for her pale skin, her wet hair, and her dead yet beautiful eyes.

“You must be Freya-“ Arthur trailed himself off as he studied her profile. She looked familiar. Too familiar, “ _you_ ” he frowned.

“ _And you,_ ” she said, peace roaming her voice despite their situation. Freya had put the past behind her but held a strange grudge against him anyway. She noticed Arthur wanted to look back at his servant, a million questions popping up in his mind. Freya was the druid girl, Arthur thought. The druid – a monster, who had killed people in his kingdom and had been hidden away right in front of him.  _Apparently_. The king clenched his fists against his legs, every part of him wanting to yell at his servant.

“ _Do not fear me..._ ” Freya said, “ _it was not your fault_ ” she continued. Arthur frowned at her words, tilted his head slightly, enough for Merlin’s figure to appear in Freya’s eyesight. He was wrapped up in the king’s cloak, a sight which pleased Freya in every way,

“ _You take good care of him. For that I thank you_ ” she said, and for the first time, Arthur heard her voice as clear as any other living human. Arthur couldn’t help but know who she was talking about and thought back to the many times he had been there for his servant without intending to. Not that he didn’t want to.

“I know, that… You two had something going on?” Arthur asked although it was not meant to come out as a question. It was more like a statement, but he needed to be sure.

A slight nod from Freya gave him the answer he wanted. Arthur sighed with a sharp breath, took a few steps back, but stopped immediately as he felt the icy water punish him for the steps he took, away from the woman. Arthur gasped sharply and stood still once more.

“He never told me,” the king said, surprised at his own words. Flows of sadness he was not prepared for, filled his entire being as he avoided looking Freya in the eyes for the second time. Freya stood still. She was waiting for this moment.

“ _You must not hate him, promise me that, for he has been in your shadow long enough,_ ” Freya said softly, watching as Arthur shifted uneasily. He didn’t understand yet, Freya thought.

The king shook his head with a confused expression, what now? He wondered. Of course, Merlin was in his shadow, “He’s my servant…” Arthur stopped himself. Because he realized he wasn’t his servant. Not to Arthur. That was something his father had wanted to become a reality, yet Arthur had gone with it and gotten used to his presence every single day.

“ _Indeed, he is, and he has served you proudly for many years. Years of hiding his true nature in fear of your instant reaction_ ” she said, baffling Arthur. What nonsense was this?

“What are you talking about?” he asked, and instantly regretted it. He didn’t really want to know. He always thought there was something off about his servant, something unexplainable, but that was not for him to know, he thought. That’s what made Merlin,  _Merlin_. The riddle wrapped in mystery walking on two legs.

“ _His magic”_

Arthur found himself feeling sick, hearing those words exiting her mouth. She was lying.

“What nonsense-“

“ _Merlin is your servant, your friend, your advisor, your protector and your one true reason for being able to set foot in this lake_ ” she said, and Arthur found himself wanting to hear none of it, “ _he has done more for you than you can possibly imagine, and you never once thanked him for it_ ” so that was it, Arthur thought. That’s why she didn’t like him. She was too busy giving him a reason to let Merlin off easy, that was all. Please let that be all-

“ _His power has granted you life and protection, Arthur Pendragon, and it is time you understand his importance_ ” Freya continued, gripping a hold of his wrist firmly, pure anger and irritation and seriousness all flooding her face with expressions Arthur didn’t know was possible to make.

With her long nails buried deep down in Arthur’s skin, he breathed sharply, feeling as though he could scream.

“You’re lying,” Arthur said sharply, and tried and failed to retrieve his hand from her grip. “ _I never lie. It is not my fate to lie to you, that was never my fate_ ” she said, her narrowed eyes drowning Arthur in panic.

All the memories of Merlin claiming to have saved his life over and over, came crawling back to him, the feeling of realization being pushed far, far away. Arthur regretted every single part about listening to his servant and stepping into this damn lake – it was all maddening, Arthur thought. Simply maddening.

“No” Arthur groaned through his teeth, as Freya’s grip on his hand only tightened, “ _do you now see, Pendragon? Merlin is the best thing that could have ever happened to your fear-controlled kingdom, and you must promise me to never,_ ” her nails dug deeper into his skin, “ _ever_ ” her eyes beaming with anger, “ _forget it_ ” and she let go.

Arthur groaned with pure fear, almost falling over as he retrieved his hand as soon as he could.

The feeling of pure hatred aimed towards him, hurt in every single mark that was now visible on his hand. He looked up at where Freya was supposed to be standing, but nothing was to be seen. Only the still water tingling against his legs, and the lonely cloud in the sky.

“ _Do not forget your purpose_ ” a voice sounded around him, and he didn’t even want to know what it meant.

It wasn’t until his breathing calmed down a little bit, that he realized the heaviness of his eyes and how blurry it all was. A single tear of fright fell from his eye, as he lowered his gaze on the shining object at his feet. A sword, he realized.

Merlin was standing uneasily on the shore, terrified of what had happened out there. He had watched every part of it, and he didn’t dare to ask what caused it.

He noticed the blade in his king’s hand and was relieved he wielded it once more.

“Arthur-“ Merlin started but noticed the trail of tears on Arthur’s cheek. He was trailed off by the obvious not-good looking expression on Arthur’s face, as well as his king’s response to his name.

Nothing but a grunt and eyes shifting up and down the warlock’s body wrapped in the cloak of Camelot, followed by Arthur backing away from him, like Merlin was the plaque himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone turn off the light? Because it's a bit DARK in here.
> 
> ...No?... okay...
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading and wow... I never imagined writing Freya's character this dark all of a sudden, but I kind of like it, even though Freya was a very sweet and pure character :')


	15. Fate Is Lying

I was all a blur. Freya’s cold hands in his own, them both gazing into each other’s eyes once again, just like they had done those few years back.

Merlin’s vision was clouded with confusion and it hit him like a fist in his stomach. Because of all the bad things that could have happened to Arthur in that lake, he feared the worst. A man like Merlin, seeing the best in people but also seeing the worst in all situations. Just like this one, and it wasn’t without reason. Merlin would have to confront his king about it. Of course, he had to. There was no way around it, whatever it was.

With a quick motion, he turned around to see Arthur slowly debating where to go with his fingers running through his hair, his gaze on the ground before him. To Merlin, it looked like he was in distress.

The warlock returned his eyes on the water and took a weak step forward, his breath reduced.

The panic that flowed through his body didn’t make the situation any less difficult to handle. With the many possible reasons for Arthur to look at him in absolute fear was running through his mind, like an unpredictable storm threatening to destroy everything in its path. Merlin turned his head to look at Arthur again, who hadn’t gone any further than the last time Merlin rested his eyes on him. He would give everything to know what he was thinking. What Freya had told him. He wanted to ask him but fought the desire. Whatever it was, Arthur looked angry and he didn’t want him to be any angrier.

Huffs of breaths exited Merlin’s mouth, as he didn’t know in which direction to turn his steps.

“What,” Merlin breathed, took a lousy step towards the man in front of him, who wasn’t reacting to his voice, “what did she say to you?” he asked, and caught himself scared to hear the answer.

As Arthur didn’t answer, Merlin immediately turned around and walked unsteadily towards the shore, his feet soon cold from the water that soaked through his non-waterproof boots.

“What did you tell him?” he asked the lake as if he was expecting some kind of answer, but the only answer he got was silence.

“Freya…” he said firmly, his voice demanding her presence even though he knew she couldn’t reach him any longer. That opportunity was used and gone.

“What did you say to him!” he yelled at the lake, completely unaware of Arthur who had turned around to observe his servant taking it all out on himself. He looked at Merlin with wet eyes and parted lips, he didn't like to see him like that. Even though he did not want to believe what that woman had told him, about Merlin and his magic, he still felt something inside of him ache whenever Merlin did that to himself.

 _His magic_ , Arthur thought again, driving his thoughts away from his servant. The words sounded repeatedly in his mind, not wanting to leave him alone and constantly making his vision blurrier than the last time he blinked.

She was lying. She had to be lying, Arthur thought. That was the only explanation, she is simply manipulating him. She didn’t like Arthur anyway, right? That had to be why-

“ _Tell_  me!” Merlin yelled and stepped further into the lake, not at all bothered by the freezing cold once again surrounding him.

The rustling sound of armor and chainmail sounded behind him, the sharp sound of a sword being shoved into the ground filled his ears as Merlin kept acting as though something terrible was going to happen and they all were going to suffer because of it-

“Merlin, stop-” Strong arms wrapped themselves around the warlock and dragged him back towards the shore, the water splashing everywhere as Merlin fought the arms pulling at him.

“No!” he yelled, wanting to sound big and strong as he demanded answers from Freya, but it came out as a high-pitched yell instead, leaving him to shut up, and forming tears in his eyes instead.

The king wrapped his arms around his servant’s chest, dragging him across the shore, upon the solid dry ground, Arthur’s cloak from Camelot sliding off Merlin in the process.

“No-“

"Stop, Merlin,  _stop this!"_ -

 Merlin didn’t keep still, fighting the urge to use other methods to escape Arthur’s arms, and run, run fast into the lake, and not rest until he found Freya and forced the answer out of her. Quite an unsettling thought, Merlin knew that. But if Freya had said anything about Merlin’s secrets to Arthur, he was simply going to lose his mind. He didn’t want to be hated. To be  _feared_.  _Not by Arthur-_

“ _Mer_ lin!” Arthur snapped, losing his balance due to Merlin’s ridiculous attempt at fleeing his arms, and landed heavily on the ground, still with Merlin in his arms.

The king let out a groan, as he was simply tired of his servant not giving up already, fighting the desire to lay Merlin on his stomach and tie his arms around his back.

“Calm down!” Arthur shouted, losing his breath as Merlin accidentally elbowed him in the stomach. That’s it, he thought.  _That is it_.

Merlin soon found himself in a position where he was unable to move or fight back, which he quite honestly was not a fan off at all.

Every attempt at letting out groaned ‘no’s’ came out as sobs instead, something Merlin frankly speaking was hoping never to happen.

Just the memory of Arthur looking at him with narrowed eyes, trailing up and down his body like he was a stranger, was alone tiering his mind with uncomfortable reasons for that stare. He closed his eyes shot, and Arthur immediately felt his servant’s muscles relax under him, and he finally let go of his arms. Merlin stirred with soreness and coldness, as he lay on the ground unwillingly, refusing to lay eyes on Arthur.

They stayed silent for a while, before Merlin pushed himself up, and sat awkwardly, facing the lake. He wiped his  _damned_  tears away from his eyes, noticing Arthur was trying not to do the same to his right, and Merlin instantly felt embarrassed.

Any minute now, Merlin thought. Any minute now, Arthur was going to open his mouth about it, and it wouldn’t be pleasant. Merlin found himself waiting for it to happen.

But nothing happened. Nothing at all exited Arthur’s mouth, and Merlin didn’t understand at all.

Arthur had looked at him with utter displeasure, and the warlock was sure it would last a millennium before he would explain to him why.

So, he decided not to hold himself back,

“Arthur?” he asked shyly, only tilting his head slightly to look at him. Arthur sighed into his palms, not sure for what reasons he was ever doubting his servant. Merlin was a loyal friend, and  _yes_ , he had kept secrets from him that treat of a hiding a druid girl and possibly  _kissing her in the process_.

But, surely, Merlin didn’t have magic. Of course, he didn’t, Arthur thought. The king caught himself chuckling to himself, low and dry and full of emotion. The way Merlin yelled at the water alone proved that.

Merlin looked at him with every questioning stare that he had ever made, and asked again,

“Arthur?”

Finally, he was able to draw Arthur out of his thoughts and back into reality, but the way Arthur met his eyes was different from before.

They were red and wet and not at all his, Merlin thought. He had been crying, hadn’t he? Or at least he’d been close.

Merlin swallowed hard as he realized what lay behind the glassy eyes, and the little sympathetic smile of his king directed towards him.

Realization. Relief. Fear, maybe. All those emotions that were visible to Merlin, were being held down, pushed away, hidden from sight, and that, perhaps, was the reason Arthur didn’t bother to hide his flushed face from his servant’s eyesight. He was simply busy.

Merlin took a few deep breaths as he prepared himself to be ignored again, “Arthur-“

“She is not to be trusted. Merlin. Never” Arthur said, surprising his servant even more, than when he dragged Merlin out of that damned lake despite the look he gave his servant just a few minutes before.

Merlin looked at him in horror as he watched Arthur slowly push himself to his feet. The warlock was still wondering what had gone through his king’s mind when he quite quickly changed his mind about looking at him in dissatisfaction, to helping him escape a possible break down at the shores of the lake.

A lake that held many saddening memories to Merlin already, yet Arthur still saved him from it even though it was very noticeable at the way the king stared at the water, that he definitely was  _not_  going anywhere near it anytime soon.

Arthur sighed at his servant since he kept his bottom planted on the ground while staring at him like he was a complete fool and held out his hand for Merlin to rely on when he got up.

Merlin didn’t accept the offer. Not really, because the only thing he was able to spot was the unsettling marks on his wrist – red and flushed skin with five sharp oblong marks on it. That had to be sore.

Only then was Merlin willing to grab a hold of Arthur’s hand with the both of his own, hid gentle fingers moving over it. Arthur knitted his eyebrows, and couldn’t fight the fact that it, indeed, was just a little sore. That  _damned_  woman, Arthur thought. Digging her filthy nail into my royal skin.

Merlin stood up without letting go of his hand, only starring down at it as Arthur's heavy breath eventually distracted him, “no, that-“ Merlin started, and met Arthur’s eyes, “that’s not like her I swear” Merlin said in defense as Arthur retrieved his hand back alongside his body.

“Apparently  _it is_ ” Arthur responded, leaving Merlin in another state of narrowed eyes and an unsteady breath as he looked out at the water.

No, Merlin thought. That’s not Freya, she wouldn’t do that to him, she wouldn’t do that to  _me_ , he continued. But Arthur put a warm hand on his servant’s shoulder before he vanished completely into oblivion that was his questionable mind, “she is manipulative. Alright? You and  _your magic_. That is absolutely ridiculous- now, I understand you were feeling things for each other, and that must be why she tricked me into thinking you had anything at all to do with sorcery, and that you have been in my shadow long enough, and what not. The unrealistic amount of times you apparently have saved my life using sorcery is  _utterly ridiculous,_ ” Arthur said, squeezing Merlin’s shoulder, the gesture comforting him, as he noticed the crazy amount of times Merlin blinked in the expand of thirty seconds,

“Which, quite frankly, is not quite true, now that I think about it” he continued, and finally met a gaze of speechlessness.

Arthur was referring to that whole situation. The reason they were standing on the shores of the lake, the reason they were having this conversation, the reason Merlin’s clothes were wet and cold against his pale skin.

Merlin couldn’t form a word- did Arthur  _know_  or did he  _not_?-

“Merlin” Arthur said firmly and watched as his servant fought back the tears that gave color to his eyes and prevented him from saying a word.

“You, caring about a  _girl_  is  _alright_ , Merlin, but you knew her powers were not welcome in Camelot, and you needed to tell me the truth. I expect you to not keep things like this form me in the future. Alright? Do you understand?” Arthur asked firmly, unable to look Merlin in the eyes considering the way his servant kept avoiding any type of physical contact with him. He eventually backed out of the king’s touch, which is something Arthur had never experienced him doing before.

“Arthur-“ Merlin stared at the ground, a single tear falling from his eyes, as he felt how Arthur’s fingertips slid off his shoulder since he was out of reach. The king backed away himself, surprised at his servant’s choice of responding.

“I didn’t- I… I didn’t know she was going to-…” Merlin couldn’t bring himself to say it, to admit, to  _finally_  give in to his deepest desires of  _letting him know_. Arthur only watched him with curiosity, as Merlin raised his eyebrows, hands in his hair, muttering faint words and breaths.

“How much did she tell you?” he finally asked, and to Arthur, it looked like Merlin would know exactly what words had been directed towards him if he told him what she’d said. And that put an end to his restless wondering.

“she…” Arthur began, tempted to calm his servant despite the familiar feeling of realization and disappointment returning to his body, but he didn’t, as Merlin, with every small step the king took towards him, backed away immediately,

“Merlin, what is the  _matter_  with you?” he finally asked, not capable of containing the loud fuss that was roaming his head any longer.

The way Merlin shifted around, shaking his head to himself, made him look like he very much needed to sit down. And he very much did, as he caught himself off guard, “I’m sorry… Arthur-   I didn’t-   she-” he breathed, backing away from his king, his friend, his other half, like he knew was going to hurt him, “I didn’t think she’d tell you- not like this, not like this,  _not like this! no_ -” he muttered with shaky breaths, blinking away the wall of tears in his eyes, a wave of breathlessness flowing through him. He could even feel it. The shakiness, the itchiness in his body, the way he backed away from Arthur because he knew he’d do the same.

It was too much. Arthur knew.  _He knew, dammit_ , and there was  _nothing he could do about it_.

Arthur shut his eyes closed. Listening to the panic that took over Merlin’s voice as he breathed in, feeling his knees weak under him.

She didn’t lie, Arthur remembered. Freya  _didn’t lie_ , it was never her  _fate to lie._  It was never her fateto _lie to him_.

It was  _Merlin’s_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is interesting, isn't it? Sigh.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, 'cause I was honestly really tired when I finished it. But as always I did the best I could haha :)
> 
> Anyways... I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on it/the story, like what could I do better, what should I change, you know? <3


	16. With You By My Side

All the words exiting Merlin’s mouth was simply nonsense to Arthur. Or, at least he wanted it to be. None of the shocking information he had been told by Freya – Merlin’s, to all appearances, significant other, had been more than too much for the king.

Arthur felt it would never end. All the betrayal. All the secrets. All the lies that were supposedly true.

He wanted it to end, to be all over, to wake up in his bed, realizing he had a mere dream. Or a nightmare. It wouldn’t be any different – any dream or reality with betrayal like this was a nightmare.

“why...” Arthur breathed, “why are you telling me this,  _this_ …  _Stop_ \- Merlin...” Arthur kept his eyes closed shut, very aware of the tight grip on his wrists Merlin had managed to sneak through all his panicked sentences consisting of muttering.

The king found it hard to breathe through the flow of nausea that took over his body every time Merlin mentioned anything about Freya’s words being the truest words he had heard in a long time. He didn’t want to hear it.

“Arthur-  _sire_ , please listen to me-“ Merlin sobbed, every other minute wiping his obviously held back tears away from his clouded vision. The grip on the king’s hands, put all of Arthur’s horrible thoughts about his servant at rest because he had never  _ever_ seen Merlin like this before. This cheerful and lively boy who knew nothing of addressing royalty, that Arthur had met all those years ago, was now showing all his deepest secrets and  _Arthur didn’t like it one bit._

Just the way Merlin completely seemed to have forgotten how to act towards his king, or any King in general, was enough to have Arthur hold back the growing wish to collapse  _right there_ , on the ground in front of him, and let out every single emotion he had ever felt. But he held himself back. Just as Usual.

“ _Stop_ ” Arthur demanded but got nothing in response other than his servant’s shaking breaths. He never did as he was told. Never. Arthur couldn’t remember once his servant had wished to stay behind when Arthur had gone out on a quest, or whenever he was patrolling with the knights, but it was obvious now, wasn’t it? It all stood crystal clear despite the blurriness Arthur was seeing, it was all clear, every single bit of it and he  _didn’t like it_. In all honesty, he  _never_ liked it when Merlin was stupid enough to take care of the ‘distraction’, or whenever he claimed to be right behind him, and not being there when Arthur turned around. It was all coming back to him, all the times he knew he should have paid attention to the details. He always thought there was something about Merlin that was different.

But Arthur never dreamed of  _this kind of different_. The kind of different where  _he had magic_.

Finally, the moment came when Arthur was shaken back to reality by his desperate servant, and he knew they couldn’t go on like that. They both needed to calm down before the shouting and yelling could even begin to display itself.

Arthur quickly moved his hands smoothly out of Merlin’s shaky grip and placed his hands on Merlin’s instead, forcing him to look him in the eyes. Merlin’s blue eyes were surrounded by red, supported by his heavy eyelids that more than everything else begged for a good night’s sleep. Exhaustion was beaming from Merlin’s tired expression, the way he felt every part of his head pounding in pain, and the awareness, oh the  _awareness_ … Merlin’s onerous stare told Arthur everything.

How could one look so exceptionally calm when they were in an obvious state of panic and sadness, Arthur didn’t know. All he knew, was that Merlin had managed to do exactly that. And it looked like he’d been practicing for a very long time.

That alone brought back nausea and the realization of Merlin’s secret identity of a man who would be slaughtered without a second thought, when Uther was king, back to claim his entire being.

A man who was capable of more than mankind alone…

Thinking about it, how  _did_ he survive? And most of all, how did  _Arthur not notice_? He was his servant, dammit! His closest friend, he was everything Arthur ever needed, how did he not  _see through his lies_? The king groaned into his palms and he turned away from Merlin with the face of a man who had failed everything. Idiot, he thought. Idiot, idiot,  _idiot_!

“Arthur-“ Merlin muttered, and Arthur was instantly reminded of the source of this horrible feeling, this…  _Emptiness_ , that was exploring every corner of his body.

With hesitation, their eyes met, and Arthur had never felt more distant from anything in his entire life. For some reason, looking into Merlin’s eyes had never felt more foreign than it did this time.

It was silent around them if the heavy breathing that filled their ears didn’t count. If Arthur didn’t know any better, he would have thought Merlin had been running to save his life and lost everything in the process. That’s what his face looked like. That’s what his hands felt like holding, that’s what his eyes  _told him_.

“Arthur?” Merlin hesitated, obviously surprised by the fact that Arthur had completely frozen in front of him. There was no trace of the friend he saw in him, all the kindness wrapped in the kingly reputation he needed to keep, was almost gone. It was hard to imagine that this man, this  _royal prat_  of a king that Merlin held so dear for so many reasons, was once again staring at him in utter disbelief.

That’s it, Merlin thought. This is when it all goes wrong, isn’t it? This is the exact moment Merlin feared most of all. The moment where everything he worked so hard for, shattered like glass right in front of his eyes.

It wasn’t until Arthur shook his head at him and walked away, that Merlin felt like his heart had been ripped right out of his chest. Arthur left him there by the lake, wet and cold, not even bothering to pick up his cloak that lay close to the shore.  _One last act of kindness_ , Merlin wanted to believe.

The warlock stood there, alone, for many moments, before turning his head to face the lake, a single tired tear making its way down his cheek. He wished more than anything to face Freya and both hug her and yell at her for eternity. Yes, Freya was his first love and his friend, and who he could be himself around at any time, but she was also the reason his bond with Arthur had broken in half suddenly. She was to blame for that. And for what reason? Merlin  _didn’t even know_. And that,  _that_ , was far more hurtful than setting fire to hundreds of boats on the waters of Lake Avalon. The reason he was born had walked away, left him to himself, and there were exactly no chances that Arthur would understand.

It made him wonder. Why? Merlin asked himself. Why had Arthur not started shouting at him, pushing him, hitting him,  _anything_ anyone in their right mind would have done when their closest companion betrayed them.

Unless Merlin wasn’t that to Arthur. Unless he, in reality, was just his simple servant, who would now be nothing but a faint memory of another betrayal.

 _No_ , Merlin thought.  _Stop this_. He’s not meant to walk away. He’s not meant to leave me. I’m meant to be by his side, we’re meant to be together, not separated and alone.

“No. Not this time, Arthur” Merlin said, aware that Arthur was long gone, and he, in all honesty, didn’t know if he was heading back to Camelot without him, or just around the corner. There was only one way to find out, and that was what he must do. To stay together.

-

It had been days since Guinevere had last seen her husband since she had held his hand, kissed his cheek and hugged him tightly. She kept that in mind as she sat at the end of the table, knights and members of the council surrounding her, Gaius by her side.

She simply couldn’t handle the thought of Arthur being hurt. Or Merlin, for that matter, but he wasn’t her husband.

The king had risked his life many times to make sure Gwen was safe, why shouldn’t she do the same for him? Why was she stuck here, in the castle? Why did the knights not tell her any news on their search for Merlin?

With the Saxons roaming the woods, and Morgana out there somewhere, Gwen found her heart beating fast. Even though they hadn’t heard from Morgana for a while, she was still a threat to the kingdom, and Guinevere still couldn’t believe her sudden decision to betray her home all those years ago.

All these possible reasons for Arthur to not have returned had the queen breathe occasional deep breaths. What if he was hurt? Or what if something had happened to Merlin, and Arthur was forced to stay out there, doing for Merlin what Merlin had done for him so many times?

“…Which is why the outlying villages are terrified. Milady? Milady are you listening?” Leon cleared his throat, half his body leaned in over the table as he ran his finger across all of Camelot’s outlying villages on the big map in front of them, the writing slightly smudged out on the old paper.

Guinevere snapped her eyes open with a sharp breath, freeing herself from the unsettling thoughts, “sorry. Yes, sorry Leon, you’re right,” she took yet another deep breath, faking a smile as she could feel everyone staring at her.

“I’m sorry, I’m just a little tired that’s all. Please continue” she said and tried hard to focus on the map of her and Arthur’s kingdom.

Leon locked eyes with Gaius and saw him shrug. They were all thinking the same about why the queen was zoning out in the middle of a council meeting.

Sir Leon hesitated, “we… We can take a break if you want” he said, looking around at his fellow knights and friends, noticing their agreeing faces.

“No, I’m fine. Please. Let us continue,” Gwen stood up from her chair that Arthur had sat in so many times, and put her finger on the map with a deep breath,

“The Saxons keep showing up. The outlying villages are begging for help once more. The problem is, these villages are not ours. They’re located in Escetir, and king Lot doesn’t seem interested in helping them. That was the case the last time they asked Camelot for help too, and that was only a couple of days ago. What do we do?” the queen asked, and the council was once again busy discussing whether or not they were going to help.

-

Merlin took a deep breath as he slowly approached the only slightly lit fireplace, and with a racing heart noticed Arthur sitting as far away as possible. He hadn’t left. Good.

The sound of twigs snapping under Merlin's weight, had Arthur stir on the ground, obviously aware of his servant’s presence once more. The unsatisfied expression on his face told Merlin more than he wanted to hear, yet he didn’t back away. He needed to finish what Freya had started, whether he liked it or not, “I’m sorry” he began. Arthur didn’t respond.

The warlock stepped closer, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I wanted to… I was going to tell you. One day…” Merlin awaited an answer, but for some reason, Arthur didn’t look like he had a lot on his mind. So, Merlin continued.

“Arthur I’m  _sorry_. I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but I didn’t know how you would react, and… I was scared… of… Well…  _This_ , I’ll admit that” he said, and watched carefully as his king only sat with his face buried in his hands. Listening.

Merlin waited for what felt like minutes, “please, sire… Say something?” he asked shyly, knowing the answer to his request wouldn’t be pleasant. But Arthur stayed quiet.

“Ever-…” the warlock breathed, and with a deep breath let Arthur hear all he wanted to say,

“Ever since I became your servant I’ve wanted you to know about me, but I’ve never had the chance to tell you the truth,” that’s a start, Merlin thought. Simple, and to the point.

“I’ve been wanting to let you know for a long time, I swear. But I couldn’t. No matter how many times I’ve wanted to just tell you, I couldn’t. I didn’t have much of a choice. And I’m sorry”

Arthur finally met his eyes, and they were both staring at each other with all kinds of emotions they had never seen in each other’s eyes before, and there were no words to describe it. To some extent Arthur understood. Merlin had been keeping himself safe, and he thought he was safer  _without Arthur knowing_.

The fact that Merlin had magic, that he was a  _sorcerer_ , that he had a relationship with a  _druid girl_ wasn’t the reason Arthur was feeling totally abandoned. Arthur knew magic wasn’t all evil, he had  _seen_ the good in it.

No. It was the fact that Merlin – this kind, selfless,  _good_  person chose to keep it hidden away from Arthur because he  _feared what he would do_. That was what made his heart  _ache_ , made him never want to look at Merlin’s face again because it  _hurt too much_.

Arthur mumbled something Merlin couldn’t make out, but that didn’t matter. He had said something, responded, answered him. And that alone made Merlin hope that maybe they would soon exchange words.

The words Arthur wanted to say was stuck in his mind, unable to be spoken aloud, yet they repeated themselves over and over and over in his mind, “Why didn’t you trust me?” Arthur caught himself off guard. He never meant to say them out loud.

Merlin felt his face go pale, his heart skipping a beat, _no, no, no_ , he thought. Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.

“I trust you with my life,” The warlock said suddenly, the typical calmness of his voice slowly returning. It was that kind of calmness that had eased Arthur’s mind so many times, and it never failed to do its job.

“I would lie happily on the brink of death if I knew you were there with me. I would drink a thousand goblets of poisoned wine for you, and I would feel safe knowing you were the one to save my life… I trust you more than anyone, but no matter how much you want someone close to you to know your deepest secrets, sometimes those secrets serve better staying hidden away”

it hurt Merlin to speak those words. But they were necessary if he was ever going to let Arthur understand. And he  _was_ , no matter the prize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 01:57 AM and I am yodELING.
> 
> Anyway... First of all, I'm sorry about the little delay on this chapter! School started for me again a few days ago, and I only now found the time to write this chapter. I'll probably not be able to upload every third-ish day as usual, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be writing! I will finish this story no matter the cost! muahaha!
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> I hope this chapter was enjoyable :) Thank you for reading, and feel free to let me know what you think ;)


	17. Soft Reminders

I had been another day, and the words Merlin spoke, echoed in Arthur’s mind. He felt he could do nothing but sit there and take it all in. It was too exhausting to even look at him, sometimes.

Merlin sat on the other side of their camp, breathing in the silence.

They had sat like that for what felt like hours. Maybe it was. Maybe it had been hours because Merlin couldn’t remember in what order his words to Arthur had been said. Only that they came straight from his heart, because now Arthur knew his secret, and it could only go downhill from there.

Although, Merlin  _did_ notice how Arthur had calmed down. Well, at least he was  _calmer_ than before.

The same flow of realization came back to haunt the warlock every other minute – the fact that Arthur Pendragon was the king of Camelot, and said kingdom was waiting for him to return to the castle, with or without his servant. His people wouldn’t understand why the king was so eager to search for a serving boy, they only found it noble of him, and that alone brought them hope.

“We should be heading back soon, sire” Merlin said after being tired of that constant reminder.

Arthur looked up at him, surprised that his servant’s words finally were of use. Because he was right, Arthur knew his people needed their king back, and he knew he shouldn’t care for a servant, but truth be told – he did. A lot. And it was unexplainable, but then again, not the first time he had cared for a low-class human being enough to risk his own life to see them safe and sound once more.

“No,” Arthur said suddenly, surprising himself quite a bit. Something held him back. And the reason for his refusal to go home was haunting him once again. Maybe because he had refused to think about it.

“ _No_?” Merlin repeated astonished. Merlin had been sure that Arthur was just waiting for his cue to finally go home.

“Not yet” Arthur clarified.

Merlin was taken aback, “Arthur… I’m pretty sure the entire kingdom, and not to mention  _Gwen_ , are desperately waiting to see you return in one piece… Doesn’t your wife deserve to know you’re safe?” he asked with knitted eyebrows, and honestly found it hard to believe his king would rather stay.

Arthur didn’t respond, which he knew was not a good idea. Now, Merlin would not shut up until he found the source of Arthur’s weird behavior. He was always like that, and Arthur didn’t like to think about why. Because now he knew.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re ignoring her, or do I have to force it out of you?” Merlin asked.

 _There we go,_  Arthur thought to himself, and he immediately wanted it to end.

“That’s a  _threat_ , Merlin” the king responded. Arthur noticed the warlock cross his arms quite firmly out of the corner of his eye but chose to look past that.

“You are, though” Merlin ignored Arthur’s words, because honestly, Arthur may threaten to throw him in the stocks, but did he ever? Not once. That was all Uther.

With Arthur’s continuous silence, Merlin took a step forward, sharpening his stare, “I’m your  _servant_. You don’t leave your kingdom waiting for their king, because of a  _servant_ ” Merlin said, and at this point, the only purpose of the obvious way he talked himself down, was to give Arthur a _reason to go home_.

“Alright… Arthur. You just found out your manservant has lied to you for several years, and, to top it all off, he’s a sorcerer-“ Merlin started, but Arthur’s words overlapped his own. The sorcerer ignored it though.

He wasn’t sure exactly why he did it, but the thought of making Arthur see reason was tempting. Just to see what he’d do – the king was not supposed to spend days looking for a servant. He just wasn’t. Not  _Merlin_ , anyway. Merlin didn’t deserve to have someone like King Arthur dedicate his precious, royal time to him. Not to mention lying to the queen, that was just insane. Merlin simply didn’t deserve it. That’s what he kept making himself believe.

With all the lies, all the secrets, and the emotion that had been shared, Merlin definitely did not deserve any special treatment from Arthur. Right? Right…

“-Why, thank you for bringing that up again-“ Arthur interrupted.

“-Yet you’re still sticking around for me,-“ Merlin chose to ignore Arthur’s disrupting words, and continued.

He took a small step towards the king, and leaned half his body forward with a raised eyebrow, “ _I am not that good_ ”

Arthur sighed deeply,

“Merlin?” he asked, faking a smile.

For the first time in a while, Merlin had been happy to hear Arthur’s voice. Not that he didn’t want him to speak, but whenever he did, the words were hurtful. At least to Merlin, they were. Him and his damn fragile heart.

“Yes?” he responded cheerfully.

“Shut up” Arthur smiled and raised his eyebrows playfully. Well, at least that is something, Merlin thought.

The warlock sighed heavily, his lips pressed together in a thin line, as the expression on his face showed Arthur how careless he had gotten when it came to Arthur insulting him.

“No, I don’t really fancy it. I’ll go home to Ealdor, until you send for me then, alright?” Merlin tested him again.

Arthur felt his chest go tight as he repeated his servant’s words in his head,

“You’re not going anywhere” Arthur shook his head with a weird expression on his face. Of course, Merlin was not going anywhere, why should he? With that many things to explain about his magic to Arthur, it wouldn’t make sense for him to go back to Ealdor.

And what exactly was the reason to go back there anyway? It’s not like Arthur would actually let him go.

Let him go  _home_ , that is, of course.  _Of course_ , Arthur thought.  _He has no reason to leave unless I give him one_.

“then why are we still here? If you’re that keen on keeping me around despite me lying to you, since the day we met, – a rather difficult thing to do, sire, might I add,” Merlin spoke softly, and held back a grin, “then what are we waiting for?” he asked.

Arthur recognized the warlocks harmless firm stare, that in reality was not firm at all, it was more like a failed attempt at acting like he was equal to Arthur’s ranking.

Thinking about it, he was, wasn’t he?

Arthur clenched his fist remembering that, “Well someone has to make sure your life is a living  _hell_ ,” the king said, and turned to face the other direction.

It was almost impossible to count the number of times Arthur had tried to make out just  _how_ Merlin had avoided getting himself killed every day in Camelot. Close to every other sorcerer, hiding in the dusty corners of the kingdom, had been found and executed. It was unbelievable. Merlin had  _no_ skill whatsoever to stay hidden, yet he was  _still alive_.

The awkward way Merlin shifted, was alone a reason for Arthur to prepare himself for something ridiculous. That is, something Merlin typically would do or say-

“Believe me, the dragon got that covered- anyway, I’m  _serious_ ” Merlin spoke with a small voice, and immediately returned to his unreal serious glare at Arthur. His arms were still crossed, but it only made him look smaller in size.

The king slowly turned around wide-eyed, all sanity leaving his body, “The  _what_!?”

Merlin cleared his throat, “Never mind that – for now, that is, I’ll, uh, be sure to come back to you about that one,” the nervous, yet amused expression on the warlock’s face had him display a small smile. Merlin rather enjoyed this. It was obvious that Arthur had had some time to think, and Merlin had patiently waited for whatever this was, “what I mean is, uh… Where were we- right.  _why are we still here_?” Merlin asked.

Arthur was frozen in place. Again. But he brushed it off for now,

“I’m  _waiting_ , Merlin! I’m waiting to understand why you never told me. I need to know I can trust you because  _obviously_ , I can’t” he responded. Merlin’s smile vanished, and he opened his mouth to say something several times,

“you  _can_ trust me!” he ended up saying. Merlin knew it wasn’t enough. A week before all of this had happened, it would have worked. Just downright telling him would be enough, but this time was different because  _Merlin_ was different. A week ago, he was nothing but a servant, a loyal friend to the king, but now… Now he was just a lie.

Arthur’s sad smile sent shivers down Merlin’s spine, as Arthur turned around and took a few steps away from him. The warlock sighed sharply, knowing how much he had hurt his king. All the secrets that he now knew, and there were even more to come.

If Merlin could go back in time, he would. Back to when they first met. That’s when he should have told him, that’s when Arthur should have known.

A little while passed.

Merlin smiled to himself as he once again stepped forward, looking down,

“Ohh,” he hummed, instantly catching the king’s attention, “don’t run  _away_!” Merlin said and looked up at him rather mockingly, but with a grin on his face.

“Ex _cuse_  me?” Arthur turned around, at last, looking at Merlin wide-eyed. Finally, Merlin’s posture changed, and Arthur could not believe his servant treated this as a joke.

“Thank god. I thought you were deaf. As well as  _dumb_ ” the warlock continued, desperately hoping Arthur soon would recognize the dialog he was quoting.

 _Stupid royal arse_ , Merlin thought. Arthur really had no clue what Merlin was saying, and if he didn’t remember soon, Merlin would only get himself in trouble for insulting the king.

“I beg your  _pardon_?” Arthur ironically placed a hand over his heart, fake smiling and eyes wide. Very, very obviously offended.

Well, it couldn’t go any worse than that, Merlin thought, and with a deep breath carried on with knitted eyebrows, “what are you going to do, you got your daddy’s men to protect you?” he asked.

Finally.

Finally, Arthur seemed to know what he was referring to and closed his eyes shot because  _of course_. Of course, this is how Merlin chooses to redeem himself. Reminding the king of one of their first interactions, back when everything was peaceful and good.

“Oh, that’s right. They’re  _your_ men now, aren’t they?” the warlock said, and caught Arthur’s eyes.

Merlin’s gaze was soft, and his smile was slowly growing. Arthur breathed it in and tried very hard to hold back his growing will to return the smile.

“Just like I am. Serving you, protecting you” Merlin’s words sounded extremely carefully spoken, the softness of his voice, and his eyes, and his smile and his everything never seeming to go away.

“I’m not going to change now, Arthur. And there’s no reason to because I’ve always been the same useless, idiot servant – the worst one, in fact,” Merlin chuckled, and his smile soon turned into a grin. Arthur couldn’t help but let out a low laugh as well, even though he didn’t want to. Crazy how Merlin was able to make him smile in the darkest of times.

“Al _right_ -“ Arthur started, but he wasn’t allowed to continue,

“And I might have magic, but that… Is a very, very little detail on why I’m here” Merlin took a step forward and looked down, “I was…Born… to serve you. It is my destiny. And I wanted to tell you because I am proud to be your servant. But I couldn’t tell you. I was… Scared. I didn’t want you to send me away, and I didn’t want to lose you-“

“Merlin”

Arthur noticed his servant’s eyes grow heavy, the redness of his eyes returning to him as he once again spoke from his heart.

The warlock met Arthur’s gaze, blinking away the blurriness, feeling how Arthur placed a sympathetic hand on his arm.

“Shut up, will you?” he asked, with calm, raised eyebrows.

Merlin smiled, knowing Arthur was hopeless at comforting people, but somehow, his attempts alone were more comforting than anything.

“But-“

“I can’t deny I’m absolutely furious with you, but I don’t want to see you like this” Arthur added.

“Like ‘this’?” Merlin quoted him with questioning eyes, and Arthur sighed, not wanting to explain.

“Yes, Merlin, ‘like this’. This is a new record, you know, it’s the first time I’ve seen you smile in  _days_ ”

Merlin looked down with a smile, remembering how Arthur had worried because he hadn’t seen him smile. For three days. He had been counting.

“I’m sorry all of this happened. I'm sorry you had to find out this way” the sorcerer said.

Arthur retrieved his hand, and breathed in sharply, “I know. You’ll have a lot to explain, especially about that dragon-destiny nonsense. Go on now, we’ve run out of firewood” Arthur said, and to Merlin, it sounded like he had definitely not forgiven him, but oh did he try.

“Yes sire”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Thought I'd make this chapter a little less angst hahaha...
> 
> I promise, there won't be a lot of angsty Merlin anymore ;) (or will there? honestly who knows, goddammit)
> 
> Hope this was an enjoyable chapter :) Feel free to leave your thoughts, and I'll see you soon!
> 
> (⚠️because of school, I 'only' have time to write on the weekends. Just so you know :) I'll probably only be publishing every(ish) weekend. If not, then every other weekend⚠️)


	18. Laughable Destiny

It had begun to rain. The two of them – mainly Merlin – had gotten the fire started, but it wouldn't last long if the rain kept pouring down so violently.

It was one of the colder evenings, the sky was covered in a blanket of dark-grey clouds, and the lighting was overall just eerie. Merlin had wondered if it had anything to do with magic since the weather the days before had been merciful.

Merlin sat beside Arthur in front of the fire, looking around rather suspiciously. Arthur didn't seem to notice.

The wind was strong, but there was nowhere to take cover.

It had been a calm evening, despite the rain, and it wasn't until a bright flash of light showed itself from above, followed by a loud crash of thunder, that the two of them had given a start.

The king and Merlin didn't seem to have expected the sudden change in weather, and Arthur found all extremely inconvenient.

He wanted to say something but didn't know what. Instead, he reached out for both his and Merlin's sleeping rolls and held them over their heads for cover.

"Damn this weather" Arthur growled. Merlin nodded in agreement, but his eyes kept shifting from one side of their camp to the other. He felt odd and prayed that no enemy would show themselves.

Arthur cast a glance at the sorcerer beside him, rain dripping from his nose,

"It's  _thunder_ , Merlin, there's nothing to be so terrified of" Arthur frowned. Merlin caught his eyes for a split second before returning them to the thick blanket of darkness ahead.

It was obvious that they were both freezing, "I'm not terrified" Merlin said with a low voice. Arthur shook his head slightly and looked out at the almost put out fire. Merlin had noticed too, that the fire was letting them down.

A moment passed, and the fire had almost completely gone out. Without giving it an extra thought, Merlin mumbled a foreign word, and the flames once again danced happily amongst the many raindrops without at all struggling with the rain trying hard to choke it.

Arthur looked at it with wide eyes, his eyes focused hard on the warm flames dancing calmly in the stormy weather.

"You did that," he suddenly said, "didn't you?"

Arthur turned to look at Merlin with knitted eyebrows, and Merlin soon realized what he had done.

"Sorry, sire... I just thought-" Merlin stuttered, "I don't know what I thought-" he hesitated to look Arthur in the eyes, but when he did he saw no hatred whatsoever at all.

"No, it's..." Arthur looked at the flames once more, "it's alright" the king responded, and to Merlin's surprise, Arthur did seem alright with it.

He was surprised that Arthur took it so well. Maybe the king wouldn't mind seeing it again, "I just thought that now you knew, I could... You know..." Merlin sighed, giving up.

"Never mind" he looked down, and instantly regret the reckless thought that had entered his mind.

They were silent for a while.

"What else can you do?" Arthur asked suddenly. Merlin looked up at the king with wide eyes and followed the direction his eyes were gazing. The flames acted as if the rain and the thunder were nothing but an illusion. That it was a sunny, dead calm day like any other. It made the king of Camelot wonder. Was the fire an illusion too?

He stretched out his arm close to the fire and felt the warmness of the flames, and Merlin watched as he did so. It was real. But it was magic. And it was Merlin's magic.

Merlin hesitated, "a lot, I suppose" he responded, and saw as Arthur quickly retrieved his hand and looked at him as if he was lying,

"Anything?" he asked.

"I suppose so... With the right spell of course"

The king kept his eyes focused on the rain, on the clouds above them, on the darkness that surrounded them both, "like getting us out of this damn storm?" he asked, and Merlin was shocked.

"Are you suggesting-"

"Yes"

"Are you seriously suggesting I use my magic because of a little rain?-"

"Just do as you're told, idiot," Arthur said, and Merlin nodded to himself as if to reassure himself that, no, this was not a dream. This was in fact not one of the many lonely fantasies that kept him company on rainy days.

"Alright..." Merlin said questioningly.

Arthur didn't know what he was waiting for, but he found himself prepared. Prepared to see what his servant was capable of because he had a feeling that getting in trouble was not his only 'talent'.

A soft light appeared around them, followed by whatever it was that Merlin was muttering. The king looked around, and suddenly noticed it had stopped raining. He frowned. It  _hadn't_  stopped raining, because right in front of him it was pouring down, but he could feel  _none_  of it. He could only hear the soft sounds of rain dripping down on the leaves on the forest floor.

A shield, he realized. And a very big one.

He turned his head to look at his servant, just in time to see his eyes flash a beautiful shade of cold.

"They've done that before" he stated, and pointed at Merlin, because yes, he had seen that before. Quite a few times, to be honest, but he always ignored it. He had always assumed it was Merlin's eyes reflecting the light of the sun.

Merlin finally turned his head to face him, "What?" he asked.

"Your eyes," Arthur said softly.

"Oh" Merlin felt embarrassed, and looked down, "they do that when I use magic. Sometimes I forget" he said and noticed how Arthur never stopped gazing. He didn't know whether to feel comfortable. The darkest and yet the most beautiful part of him had been discovered by the one man that could get him killed, and what was his reaction? Staring at him in awe. Shouting at him, but still refusing to leave him.

"I thought it was just the sun, but..." Arthur stopped himself, realizing what he was witnessing. Merlin immediately looked up at him, "you've seen me use magic before?" he asked, surprised, and honestly a little confused as to why he hadn't said anything.

Arthur breathed a sigh of realization, and Merlin couldn't figure out what his sudden chuckling meant.

"Apparently," the king said, "and I know I should be angry with you. I  _am_  angry with you. But I am tired of being angry and sad and disappointed, so, please... Just do something. Something magical. I don't know, do whatever. Throw it at me. Test me. Make me regret I stayed" Arthur said, and Merlin listened in with a small smile. Arthur was asking him  _to do magic_. To  _show him_. Finally. His fantasy had become a reality, and the many times he lay awake, thinking about this exact moment, all didn't matter anymore.

The warlock slowly stretched out his arm towards the fire, desperately hoping Arthur would see every second of it, " _upastige_   _draca_ " he whispered softly.

Arthur watched as a dragon appeared, flapping its wings at him. He softened his expression as he realized Merlin had brought the Camelot sigil to life.

"That's-" Arthur trailed himself off.

"Magic?" Merlin asked with a laugh.

"Yes," Arthur responded, " _magical_ "

Merlin smiled at this. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

Arthur turned his head and watched as Merlin wore a stupid grin on his face, way too happy for Arthur not to appreciate, and mindlessly moved his hand around in the air. The dragon followed its master's command, and far too soon disappeared into nothingness.

"How?" Arthur merely asked, "how do make that happen?"

Merlin's grin faded into a soft little smile and he met Arthur's eyes.

"I just do" he responded, "there's not really a way. It just happens. Like everything else just happens, and no one's in control of it" Merlin's glance held many secrets, and Arthur had a feeling he was about to reveal some of them.

"You know..." Merlin began, and changed his posture slightly, the look on his face more serious, "all this you now know about me, is... Something I've never known what was. Not until I arrived in Camelot. I think that I was always meant to be in Camelot" Merlin said and fiddled with his left sleeve.

Arthur looked at him in wonder, "how do you know that? I'm the king, yet I still don't know where I belong" he answered, and quickly wished he hadn't made this about himself. As he somehow always managed to do.

Little did he know that that was what Merlin needed to continue his confession,

"I'll tell you where you belong, Arthur" Merlin said with a nod, and it was in that tone Merlin always spoke in when he needed to tell Arthur not to doubt himself. To not worry, to comfort him however he could. And he always knew it worked, because Merlin was perhaps the only servant Arthur was willing to open up to.

Arthur looked at him.

"You belong in Camelot. You belong in Mercia, or perhaps you belong in Aecitir. You belong in every living organism that Albion has to offer, for there will be no greater king than you. You belong where you want to belong, whether that is in Camelot or a foreign land that no man has set foot in yet" Merlin spoke in such a careful way that Arthur couldn't help but notice the way his servant had dedicated those few minutes completely to him, and him alone.

The words repeated themselves in Arthur's mind because even though he knew that his servant occasionally spoke words of wisdom, it surprised him equally each time.

"Merlin-"

"I, I was born and raised in Cenred's kingdom, Arthur. I never belonged anywhere until I came to Camelot. I didn't even belong in my own village. Now I know I belong wherever you are because it is my destiny to do so. This is the purpose of my magic, of all the power that I possess... To protect you or  _die trying_. That is why I live. And I wouldn't change a thing"

Arthur closed his eyes for a solid minute before running his hand through his hair. He wanted Merlin to shut up because all this sounded like a love confession. But it was honestly much more than that, and that was what Arthur couldn't accept. Not his  _magic_ , not his  _lies_ , but his  _life_.

The idea of Merlin having a  _destiny_ , and that  _destiny_  forcing him to live his life in a specific way, was an exhausting thought. It made no  _sense_ , why would Merlin care about  _destiny_  of all things?  _Obviously_ , he had a choice, right?

Even if he didn't, Merlin had still dedicated his own life to Arthur, and to dedicate your life to someone else was beyond his imagination. It was beyond  _deep_ , it was beyond  _love and friendship_. It was beyond everything he had ever been taught. And to think that it was  _Merlin_  who would be the one to give him that experience was unthinkable.

"Stop" Arthur blatantly said. Merlin hadn't talked for a while, but to Arthur, it had only been three seconds. Merlin stared at him in wonder.

"Please stop saying that, you make it sound like one of Gwaine's ridiculous love stories" the king laughed, and Merlin was relieved to know he was joking.

The warlock let out a chuckle, "yea... I thought that too, believe me. It's not exactly a pleasant experience being told  _you're_  my other  _half_ " Merlin laughed jokingly, and soon heard no trace of Arthur's laugh.

"No. This needs to stop" Arthur sighed with a smile. Merlin looked at him and immediately recognized the face of 'not believing his servant' once again.

When Merlin didn't respond, Arthur turned his head to face him with a frown, "surely you're joking?" he asked.

Merlin sighed heavily, his lips pressed together, "I'm afraid not, sire" was all he said.

For a millionth time that night, Arthur closed his eyes shot with a deep sigh, not wanting to believe a word of what Merlin told him.

"Anything  _else_  you'd like to add?" Arthur asked annoyed, his face buried in his hands. Merlin saw a rare opportunity and took it without a second thought,

"I erh...  _might_  be the last dragonlord, and I  _might_  have freed the great dragon, and I  _might_  have hatched the white dragon that for some reason  _chose to go behind my back and serve Morgana_ – bad dragon, might I add" Merlin said annoyed, "oh, and I  _might_  just be who they call Emrys" he finished.

They were quiet for a while,

"You know... The old man?"

Arthur was silent. Merlin hadn't noticed any movement whatsoever and chose to look for Arthur's gaze.

"Give me..." Arthur breathed, "a  _bloody_  good reason not to run you through  _right now_ "

Merlin froze in place. Was he serious? "Arthur-"

"You're maddening Merlin. Absolutely  _maddening_ " Arthur said, and to Merlin's relief, he wasn't being serious _._

 _"_ Oh... Oh thank the  _gods_ , you really," Merlin laughed, "you really scared me" he said. Arthur didn't respond to Merlin's mindless chatter, and Merlin soon noticed his king slowly turning his head towards him, every fiber of his being was clearly pissed.

Merlin held his breath, "I'll shut up now" he smiled awkwardly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back you all. Thanks for reading <3
> 
> Sigh. Arthur's trying hard to accept him :')
> 
> Who said Merthur? Oh. Sorry, I thought I heard someone say Merth-
> 
> Kidding. Honestly though, I actually really want to know how you view these idiots in this story? As friends or lovers? Please tell me (If you can, that is. I know not everyone can comment. But if you can, I'd love to hear from you) :)
> 
> I'm not entirely sure what I want them to be, because I do ship it hjhjjhjrj ;;););) but I'm also okay with their epic friendship so like? :o So far it's up to you guys. It is what you want it to be until I make up my damn mind lmfao.
> 
> Thank you again for your support, I appreciate it <3


	19. Firefly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for the huge delay! No, I have not given up on this fanfiction, I still enjoy writing it.
> 
> But I have been busy almost every weekend (where I normally have time to write) with assignments (and lack of motivation tbh), and you know what? I still have a Spanish assignment to finish... But I really wanted to finish this chapter and post it.
> 
> I've honestly felt so bad about not posting.
> 
> I can't promise I'll update every weekend... But I will try and find the time!
> 
> Again, sorry for the delay, but I hope you can forgive me :) Here's the chapterrrr!

“Alright,” it sounded behind Merlin, “I’ve decided to look past your clearly over exaggerated description of dragons and destinies and whatnot, so get up,” Arthur pointed to Merlin’s luggage and nodded his head in the direction besides him, “we’re going home”.

Merlin had not been surprised that Arthur chose to ‘ignore’ everything he had told him, but then again, it was Arthur. He always cared, and he always took Merlin seriously, but it always slipped his mind to show it.

Merlin got to his feet, “right” and he started to pack his things.

Arthur frowned at this. He had expected Merlin to react in a way more exciting way – this was just sad.

The king sighed, “I’ll give you a day off if you hurry” he smiled to himself. Immediately, Merlin lit up and looked like the world was not such a miserable place to live in after all.

Oh, Merlin remembered, “you’re not being serious,” he said, and gazed at the forest floor with a sigh.

“No, I’m not. But at least you don’t look so sorry anymore” Arthur said, and gave his servant a friendly pat on the shoulder. Still trying to cheer me up in his strange ways, Merlin thought. He huffed, “I’m not sure I’m so sorry anymore”

“What was that?” Arthur asked, annoyed by Merlin’s mumbling, “I was sure you’d be happy to return back. Knowing I’m not going to chop your head off in your sleep?-“

“Alright! Quit it” Merlin closed his eyes and let his long arms hang carelessly down his body.

Arthur knitted his eyebrows, “alright… I’m sorry?” he hesitated. Stepping closer to his servant was noticed, but Merlin didn’t back away. In fact, he didn’t even look him in his eyes.

Not until Arthur placed a soft hand on his shoulder.

“I’m not” the king reassured him, and Merlin’s eyes flickered around like restless fireflies because that was how Arthur viewed him now. With his eyes apparently flashing gold when using magic, mixed with his droll personality, Merlin was most certainly a firefly. No question about it.

“I know” Merlin breathed after a solid while. But it was obvious that he didn’t. He was scared. Or worried. Sometimes Arthur couldn’t tell the difference.

With a squeeze, Arthur let go, “come on”

-

The ride back to the castle was tiring. All Merlin wanted to do was  _sleep_. His eyes struggled to stay open, and it would not surprise him if he was going to fall asleep in the saddle. It would not be the first time.

Arthur noticed this, and rolled his eyes at him, “pull yourself together, Merlin, we’ve only ridden for an hour...” Arthur sighed. Merlin opened his eyes with a start and woke himself up quickly.  _Don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep…_

“ _Yes_ , I’m aware, thank you very much, and it pains me” he responded and saw as Arthur struggled to sit up straight in the saddle with half his body turned around to look at his servant.

“If you fall off,” Arthur said, “I’m not going to catch you” he smiled, and Merlin shook his head slightly.

“Why would you?...” Merlin mumbled, “the only thing you’d catch is a cold”

“You caught a cold now, all of a sudden?” the king asked surprised and could not believe his own ears. Merlin really did complain about just about anything.

“Yes. And I would never hear the end of it if I infected you” the warlock responded. Arthur shook his head amusedly at him, clearly hiding a smirk.

The king returned his eyes on the path in front of him, bouncing about in the saddle. Seemingly, the horses wanted to go home too.

Merlin coughed behind him.

“You’re coughing?” Arthur asked.

“Yes, Arthur, I’m coughing. I told you… That damned rain yesterday got the better of me” Merlin answered irritated, and truly hoped for some kind of sympathy from Arthur.  _Hah_ , Merlin laughed to himself. As if that was ever going to happen.

“So, you could say, you’re…  _Hoarse?_ ” Arthur desperately tried to hold back his laughter, especially when Merlin started to fake his laugh behind him.

“It is  _not_  funny, Arthur” Merlin huffed.

“It is” Arthur grinned.

“It’s not”

“Oh, it really is, Merlin. It really is”

“I can’t believe you. What if I’d never found you? Honestly, I never thought you could be such an ass. Oh, wait…  _yes, I did_. Because you  _are_.  _An ass_. And a royal one… Doesn’t make it any better, though, does it now? Unbelievable” Merlin said, half talking nonsense, half being serious. Truth be told, he didn’t care if Arthur heard it or not. He didn’t really mind anyway.

“Shut up,” Arthur said.

“There it is,” the warlock said annoyingly, “there it is, the king of Camelot being an utter ass-“

“No, shut  _up_  Merlin” Arthur hissed quietly and stopped his horse. Merlin did so too and looked around with searching eyes.

“What is it?” he whispered.

Arthur dismounted and drew his sword. The one from the lake. The one  _Freya_  gave him. He glanced at it once to realize his own sword was not in his hand, that this sword,  _Excalibur_ , had replaced it somehow.

I one quick motion, he looked back at his servant, “did you  _seriously_ -“

“Sire look out!” Merlin shouted, and quickly reached for the king’s arm and pulled at it till they he fell.

The two of them fell to the ground with a thud, “honestly, Arthur, you of all people should know not to let down your guard all of a sudden!” Merlin hissed and watched as Arthur blatantly ignored his words and stood up. He was quickly back on his feet.

Merlin looked behind them and sighed in displeasure when he noticed the axe stuck in the tree.

“Oh, come on” Merlin mumbled.

The warlock kept starring at the axe until Arthur shoved him out of the way and blocked an attack.

 _Saxons_.

And predictable ones. They fought like every Saxon Arthur had ever fought, which honestly calmed his mind.

If they fight the same, they are the same.

Whilst Arthur fought, Merlin hid behind a tree, his eyes focused on every little detail. He stayed put until he realized he didn’t need to. Not anymore.

Slowly, he stepped out and saw how Arthur was struggling to fight them all. The sound of swords and men and Arthur panting for air had Merlin defy every promise he had ever made about not letting anyone know about his magic.

He locked eyes with one of the Saxons. Half his face was covered with cloth, and his eyes went wide when he recognized the warlock. Merlin frowned.

“How…” the Saxon whispered, and Merlin quickly realized what that was about.

With no more hesitation, Merlin took two quick steps towards their enemies, held out his hand and very loudly chanted the few magical words that rested within him, “ _Ic þé wiþdrífe!_ ”

And before Arthur knew it, his enemies were laying on the ground, unconscious and vulnerable to his attacks. His eyes must have plotted against him so to speak, because in front of him was the last man with a threat written all over his face, sitting on the ground defending himself pathetically.

Arthur looked at him with anger in his eyes, and ought to finish him if it was not because his servant rushed past him and towards the Saxon. Arthur was still trying desperately to keep calm after that scene, so he only stood and watched as Merlin angrily questioned the man in front of them.

“It was you wasn’t it?” he asked, very obviously using not only his magic but the entirety of his being to threaten this man.

“Answer me!” Merlin shouted, and Arthur threw the sword, Excalibur, away to join his friend only to be ignored and pushed away, “Merlin-“

The Saxon desperately tried to escape the warlocks grasp but saw no way out whatsoever. Merlin’s eyes beamed with disappointment in humanity and his fellow sorcerers who had it in them to plot against him and the possibility of the golden age of Albion, he and Arthur would build.

How could they do it? If living as who they really are, out of fear, is what they wanted so much, that they would do literally anything to live that life, then why would they not stop up and reconsider their ways? Why would they not stop up and recognize who their true friends and allies are? Why did it always have to end in bloodshed and war and  _death_ -

“Merlin!” Arthur shouted, and only then was Merlin rushed back to reality, where every fiber of his being had become tenser and craving answers.

“He has to pay for this, Arthur” Merlin said, and his eyes never left the man.

“Will you calm yourself, he’s not the first idiot to pull an ambush like this” the king responded, and tried hard to pull his servant away, ignoring his power for now.

“No, you don’t understand, he’s a sorcerer…” Merlin almost whispered, and Arthur was astonished as to how Merlin could be so… There were no words.

“Are you serious?  _You’re_  a sorcerer!” Arthur disclaimed, and at the same time wished he could let it go, for the time being, considering they were dealing with an enemy.

“ _Yes_ , but… He’s  _the_  sorcerer… Who changed my physical form, or… You know…  _That_ ” Merlin said, and it was clear to Arthur what he meant, but also that his servant was holding back his anger.

“’ _That_ ’ as in my-servant-is-a-horse?” Arthur snorted, but deep inside he understood Merlin’s frustration. Arthur could not imagine what it would be like to be forced to live as a horse – it was bad enough having donkey ears.

“Shut up, and yes” Merlin answered.

“Alright… I get it. But you’re taking this a little too far now, don’t you think?” Arthur asked, but even though Merlin wanted to stare at Arthur in disbelief, he kept his eyes on the man in front of him.

“Too far? Are you saying putting the entire kingdom of Camelot in danger, putting your precious, royal  _life_  at stake and wanting to  _strangle_  him for it, is taking it too far?” Merlin asked.

Arthur rolled his eyes. He looked back at the other unconscious Saxons and tried to think of every reason Merlin had to be upset, but simply could not find it, “thinking highly of yourself I see” the king said.

“This is not a game Arthur, it’s serious!” Merlin answered, and with a frustrated sigh he stood up, stretched out his arm and repeated the words, which flung the man against a tree, “ _Ic þé wiþdrífe!_ ”

A moment passed. Arthur was frozen in place – staring at the pretty obviously dead man, and Merlin who looked rather careless.

“Did you just kill him?” Arthur asked confused. Not that he had anything against it, but still… It was Merlin.

“Yes?” Merlin responded.

“Well is that not utterly stupid? If he was the one magically transforming you into a horse, wouldn’t you want to I don’t know…  _Know_   _why?_ ” Arthur asked. Merlin shrugged carelessly and took a few steps towards his king.

“Oh, he wasn’t the one. If he was, he’d have used his magic to get himself out of here. But he didn’t, so… I mean, obviously he knows who I am and that’s… Honestly not surprising, but still a bit alarming, don’t you think? Anyway… Shall we?” Merlin smiled and walked on. Arthur picked up his sword and followed his servant to the horses.

With one last glance back at all the once alive men, he mounted his horse, “you killed almost every one of these Saxons” he said.

Merlin nodded to himself, and mounted his horse as well, “I did” he said.

“That’s concerning. But useful. These guys would be better off with you staying as a  _mule_ ” Arthur said, and hid his smile.

“A  _horse_  mind you. And yes. They would be. Everyone would be”

“Now that’s not quite true, is it?”

“It’s not?”

Arthur shrugged, “no,” he sighed, “my chamber isn’t going to clean itself, you know... Can't have a horse running around doing laundry now, can we?” the king smiled.

Merlin snorted, “mm..” he hummed, “you really  _can’t_  ‘bear to lose me’, can you?”

The king widened his eyes with a huff, several times opening his mouth to speak, but nothing came out other than “shut up”

“yes, sire” Merlin laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading despite the delay... I hope you liked this chapter, and you'll here more from me hopefully soon :D

**Author's Note:**

> (Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of the characters. BBC does)  
> Hello! This is my first story on AO3 oh my. I hope it's somewhat decent haha.. Feel free to tell me what you liked and disliked, it will be much appreciated <3
> 
> Feel free to contact me/ask questions on my instagram: mamik_art :)  
> (this story is also on Wattpad: mathBMilde)


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